I find myself thinking on death. So many deaths around me, us. So much loss and pain. Your best friend's mother. Your other friend's ex-husband, cancer, parents, children, guns. It's all too much. How is it that the will of the people has been silenced by the RIGHT? The Supreme Court is far more frightening than a drag show. And back-ally abortions are so retro. Please can't we find our humanity? Soon you won't be able to sell girl scout cookies if you're a person of color. Soon women will be reduced to silence. I recall my mother handing me "The Handmaid's Tale" and saying, it could happen you know. Just like that. Just like Nazi Germany says my husband of 30 years. What kind of dystopia is this? It's actually worse than I thought. Last night on the news it was more than I could take. They actually made the analogy of hate speech to concentration camps. Here we are.
I have kids coming in from age 12 and up. They are worried about their "triggers." One kid said she was triggered, by me, when I said she seemed like a nice normal teenager. Not cool. Another rejected therapy saying she needed more structure. When asked what, she couldn't say. I am starting to feel more scared. Not anxious - scared. During the pandemic I put my head down and worked. Worked through my own losses. Worked with others and theirs. Taught myself about TRAUMA and even met the esteemed Bessel van der Kolk. I learned many things and gave a class on "Yoga for Anxiety" at my local community center. I left my comfort zone to comfort others. I helped a woman who's family member was murdered. But there's a limit to this re-traumatization for all of us. Things are not going well. Even the late night comedians are shocked by the things they riff on. Students accusing teachers, girls accusing boys, everyone on the defensive. I had to google what the "Thin Blue Line" Flag meant on my neighbor's yard.
Yesterday - a first - an 11 year old client told me her entire scenario if there were to be a school shooter. 11. She would not cluster together with her friends; she would climb atop a cabinet and hide. I sure as hell never ever thought of school this way. School was my sanctuary. School should be your sanctuary. It doesn't make sense to me to counsel people to avoid school. But rightfully parents are fearful. Can we move time back, eliminate social media, try to fix authoritarianism and racism and sexism? Not in a single therapy session we can't. We can only provide comfort to the aggrieved. But the aggrieved keep coming in droves.
I do blame Trump, although my kids say that's too facile. He simply lit the match - the hate was already there. But now there's no putting it away. Seems like polarity will split us into two countries. Who will suffer? The hardworking people in middle class, poverty, refugees etc. Same old story. Greed is Good. Capitalizism run amock. It's time to fix our broken healthcare system. A "Marshall Plan" for quality medical care. A plan so that you don't have to keep your crappy day job when you have cancer. A plan to pay your bills or work from home or attend your child's little league game after work. A plan to build community, to help the underserved, the children of the future. The children, the ones getting shot at every day, they are the future. Do you get it yet?