If you're hard on yourself like I am, why not make the new year about change and growth? Â It's not about eating less, or stopping your OCD habits, or starting an exercise workout, or playing pickleball, although these activities help enormously. It's about doing you in a way that feels more calm, dependable and meaningful. Â Self-care is not a bad word. Â It's not lying on the couch in a coma. Â It's not getting a manicure. Â Although these things help as well. Â It's about integrating the good with the bad, practicing wisdom and equanimity, generosity, patience, and care, with yourself first, then with others. Â It's about showing up for yourself and giving things time. Â It's about slowing down, yes, in our fast-paced world. Â Is it about putting down your phone? Â Sure. Â But if you're like me, and need to read the big print version on your phone, then read. Or reaching out to a high school friend with whom you've re-connected, then keep the phone. Â Social media, I have said from early on, is not the enemy. Â The enemy is within. Â
My friends, the biggest change I have made is letting things go. Â Things I cannot change or control. Â In my mind and body together in harmony. Â In stopping running around just to run around, and in starting meditating. Â Meditation in daily life. Routines and structure, meaning and work, risks and rewards. Â Body positive. Â Outdoor therapy. Â Online groups. Â These are the The Body Keeps the Score activities that create space. Â The space in your thoughts that lets you know that pausing is beneficial because it gives you a moment of objectivity. Â Young adults that I work with lean on black and white thinking because their brains are in rapid acceleration. Â Their amygdala (the regulator) and the synapses (the communicator) are firing in spite of them being still so young and vulnerable, and it's confusing. Â Parents often mistake this avalanche of emotion as negative, but this is supposed to happen. Â What's not supposed to happen is sitting in your room for two years contemplating who liked your photo. Â It couldn't have been prevented, this pandemic. Â It robbed us of time, money and people. Â It took and took and we felt taken. Â
But we (a)rise, as the powerful Maya Angelou stated.
Here we are in mid-town Manhattan. Â Here we are with friends. Â Here I am with more clients in a row, on wait lists, and I'm 6-0!!! Â Who could believe that a social worker supporting her family could thrive at this time? Â Doors somehow open if you venture toward, lean in and listen, look for that Blue Heron on the lake. Â Don't let it fool you into a photo bomb; rather, take it easy and wait for your moment. Â Hold the breath for a second longer and see: you can tolerate loss because it's what's happening. Â It's the only thing that is happening. Â People seem to fade away, but all new people are coming, and you, yes you, can change the world in an instant.
My clients are doing well. Â They really are making progress. Â Why? Â Because they are accepting and owning their lives. Â It's yours to hold. Â We are watching "The Affair," a wonderful series that experiments with point-of-view. Â The theme song says, the only thing to do in this life/ is be the wave that you are/ and then sink back into the ocean. (Fiona Apple)" Â At first we thought it said "be the way that you are" which sounded so wrong. Â Upon further investigation, the song really hits it out of the park with its staccato rhythm, and force toward inevitability. Â Death is not dramatic, in my experience. Â It is lonely and quiet. Â An absence of a life force so incredible that it returns to dust. Â I believe in ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Â Not some fancy up-above that is just a fairy tale. Â The earth is good; it grounds us. Â Be the good earth.