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Photo Credit: Rosalind Bank Why should a therapist be smart, wise, empathic and CURIOUS?  Because we are dealing with individual lives. Lives that are part of the greater society. Lives that MATTER. Right now the collective is the personal. The political is personal. If we don't get some leadership pronto, we will be in this mess for decades to come. So what does our work mean? It means even if you're exhausted, you follow up, ask the questions, wonder what's going on over in that house. One house has little food. Another has too much. Yesterday I followed up on a hunch with one of the parents of my client. The client had mentioned that things were going poorly at home but didn't go into much detail. When I followed up with the Mom, boy did she give me a mouthfull! It turns out something quite serious was going on with the other step sibling in the home that is impacting everyone. If I hadn't followed up, I would have never known! In another case, a teen was telling me about her new hobby. I asked her to show me her art work and it opened a whole can of insights through her eyes. Teenagers are stuck in the middle of the greatest economic shift we have seen in a Century. The landscape of school, college, jobs, families are forever changed. Sure some kids will weather the storms to come. Some won't. I have a client who has been emotionally abused by her parents her whole life. Right when she was scheduled to "launch," the pandemic hit. She is emotionally, physically and mentally stuck now. Like literally. Can't leave an abusive home. Let that sink in. Other signs that therapy is working: you go deeper, you ask harder questions, you ask them to come up with why things are going well, you ask them to practice it, you wait in the silence, and you help make connections from past to present. You offer perspective and patience. Great phrases that capture this are: What was that like for you? I wonder why you're avoiding the deeper issue here? Do you need time to process this? Why not practice doing things a new way? Is it scary to give up being the victim? I feel upset hearing this, it must be intense for you? Maybe "fixing" it is not the answer; perhaps you can accept it? There is no shame in feeling your feelings. Therapy on zoom/phone is not ideal but it's the best we have right now. Insurance doesn't dictate our therapy. If they don't want to cover it, perhaps you can pay on your own? There is no stigma in asking for help. You do not have to be crazy to go to therapy. You don't have to share your therapy experience with anyone if you don't want to or are not ready. If you feel you are not making progress, why don't we talk about it? I guess what I'm saying is this is new for all of us. So jump in and maybe something important can grow within in spite of our ever-changing, uncertain environment.

We all know that panic is painful.  Uncomfortable.  Hard.  Scary.  All I have to do is get a scam call from the IRS and I'm jammed all day with brutal, miserable anxiety.  I work with young adults on this all the time.  I have it myself.  As soon as each of my girls got their driver's licenses I was a basket case.  Every time i heard a siren, while working from home, I had that sinking feeling in my gut. There are many ways to "make friends" with your anxiety. Our understanding from science is that "fight or flight" or freeze takes over our body's regulatory system to make us primed for urgency.  This is in fact an ancient part of our bodies.  A panic attack is a false alarm.  All the symptoms with no real trigger.  Science tells us that when the stress hormone CORTISOL is released, we react with over reaction, the AMYGDALA forgets to regulate, and we feel out of control, like we might collapse, be embarrased or even lose consciousness.  This will likely NOT HAPPEN! 1. We remind ourselves this is not real. 2. We acknowlege the panic. 3. We talk back to it: I see you but you don't control me; I control you. 4. Distract with creative, calming activities. 5. We argue back - no, this is not real.  It will pas in 10 minutes (usually). 6. We slow down. 7. We are safe, secure and loved. 8. And then we soothe anything IN YOUR BODY that needs rest, relaxation. I have done this myself and it works. Whether by literally tapping or holding yourself, distraction or just time, we can reduce the fear. For young adults and teens this can be especially frightening.  With no school/work/camp etc. it is easy to get submerged in isolation, then by making your world smaller, you lose vital interactions for growth and adulting.  Try now to get a hobby that takes your mind to a peaceful refuge.  Try anything!  I will guide you.  My hobbies are writing, swimming, hiking, and reading.  What are yours?

I am currently running three groups: teen girls, young adult women and 30-something women. The technology is the easy part. Zoom is barely adequate to cover the range of real human emotions during this unprecidented time. Zoom is usually freezing just when I guide the person to be relaxed enough to connect to her inner fears and feelings. Zoom is the easy part. TEENS The hard parts depend upon which age group you are in. For example, teen girls' biggest complaint? You guessed it: BOREDOM. Sure lots of kids in the 'burbs where I work have many privileges: lessons, country homes, nannies, big backyards. But what of the others? The ones whose parents have double shifts and cannot afford these luxurious freedoms? These kids are in their bedrooms staring at the ceiling. They don't care about gourmet cooking classes or math tutoring or the next iteration of TikTok. Video games, YouTube and snapping is all they have. Day after day they don't leave the house. They don't have vitamin D on their faces and in their retinas. They have screens. This is old news. However, in the pandemic it's a thousand times more isolating. Imagine if you're an quirky kid with one good friend whom you only see at school lunch and now even that is gone? You sit in your room and mope. You feel glued to the bed. You are achy even though you're only 15 years old. You wonder if your friends will even remember you in the fall. You have reversed day and night. This virus is a total rip-off. Time seems to slow down. It's called depression. I can stand on my head over zoom and say pleeeeeeze try bird watching. Just something. But no. And no, they say, "my parents don't believe in medication for depression." The weight of this crisis is crushing our kids. One large, heavy weight right on the chest area. The only thing to do: BREATHE. YOUNG ADULTS For young adults it's even more devastating in some cases. Yes, bored, depressed, anxious, alone, sad, frustrated. There are so many words; none make sense anymore. Just like the words to describe our president, our world, our economy, our environment, our future -- loss and loss of words. The best word is: BROKEN, fractured, polarized. It's getting more complicated for a young adult to launch. One of my kids, having just graduated from a top college, is working from her childhood bedroom. The other is trying to locate an off-campus apartment just to be near school, if not in it. Hard enough to deal with living at home, no money, job, friends, getting a license to drive, going to a restaurant, waiting at the post office, taking classes online. Sure some kids are wonderfully prepared. They have a sunny attitude and they have the main thing that everyone needs right now: MOTIVATION. Reporting from the group of 20-30yo young adults is a different vibe: I'm too anxious/confused/lost to go out, to send an email, to follow-up, (which, in my opinion, is the key to adulting). The group lets them see that we are all struggling. That is a comfort. But some are struggling much more than others. This is serious. SO they get some free counseling. Then what? PAUSE is their mantra now. And PAUSE sucks. 30-SOMETHINGS Now introduce the 30 year olds. They want to enjoy their kids, or trying to have kids or settling down or traveling or spreading their wings and finding a purpose. This is their developmental GOAL. And yet. Who can say when you can go to vacation, send kids on playdates, go back to work. Some are dying to go back. Some never want to go back. They are tired of sheltering in place. They need a babysitter. Covid is the triple crown of childcare problems: noone in and noone out, just you. And yet, the boss never said you could work whenever you feel like it. Nope. She never did. I see my neighbors down the block running tag-team, lap-tops outside while kids bike by back and forth, wheeeee! They have no free time; they look like zombies. Time itself is fleeting, receeding back to where we cannot plan even if we're planners. My advise? Stay CALM and KEEP it day to day. This is the only control there is. And also, smell the flowers.