Embracing Your Journey: A Thoughtful Guide to Self-Recognition and Growth
Updated: Aug 3
Nope. I don't buy it. Along with phrases like "put it into the universe," "manifest it," and "give it up to God," I find these ideas unhelpful. Or the saying, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Um, no again. Why? Because you and I are working really hard every day to reframe, reintegrate, and re-parent ourselves. Let's give ourselves a little credit! YOU did it. My father used to say this. He published someone's bestselling novel that reached the top of the New York Times bestseller list once. People said, "Wow, you're so lucky!" He replied, "It's not luck; I've been doing this my whole life!" It's where luck meets preparation that success begins.
机会留给有准备的人 (Jīhuì liú gěi yǒu zhǔnbèi de rén): This translates to "opportunity favors the prepared mind."
The Importance of Self-Credit
As a basic cognitive error, not giving oneself credit for anything good is a tough road. We often think all good things are accidents of fate, while all bad things are our own fault. This is a common frame of mind I encounter.
According to expert Dr. Rick Hanson, our brains have a negativity bias. This means positive experiences tend to pass through us quickly, while negative ones linger. He encourages us to slow down and savor what's good in our lives.
The Complexity of Mental Health
In our field, we tend to oversimplify complex issues. Everything is reduced to three-letter acronyms, leaving clients feeling boxed in. For instance, I had a client express fear about moving from anxious to avoidant attachment, as if those were the only options. Terms like CBT, DBT, IFS, EMDR, EFT, and ACT are just styles and theories. They are not the ultimate solution to our struggles.
Overthinking is a significant issue for many, especially young women. The loss of social interaction can be painful. We hear phrases like, "Everything happens for a reason." Sometimes this is offered with love, other times it feels like a dismissal of our hard work and growth.
When someone is hurting, saying "everything happens for a reason" can unintentionally skip over the most important step: acknowledging what happened and how it felt. Pain doesn't become easier to bear just because we can explain it. Growth doesn't require us to be grateful for what harmed us.
A More Helpful Approach
Instead, consider these questions:
What happened?
What did it cost you?
What did you do to survive it?
What are you learning now—at your own pace?
That last part matters. Meaning-making is not a deadline; it’s a process.
Why We Struggle to Give Ourselves Credit (And Why It’s Not Your Fault)
Many young adults I work with carry a painful pattern:
If something good happens, it was luck.
If something hard happens, it must be my fault.
This is a common cognitive distortion—an error in how we assign cause and responsibility. It's reinforced by our brain's negativity bias. Our brains are wired to scan for threats and remember what went wrong, as this once helped humans survive.
Shifting Your Perspective
You might try one of these alternative thoughts:
“Some things happen. Then we decide what to do next.”
“I can’t control everything, but I can influence what happens from here.”
“This was real and it was hard—and I’m still here.”
CBT: Check the Story Your Mind is Telling
Try writing down the thought exactly as it shows up:
“If it worked out, it was luck.”
“If it didn’t work out, it’s because I’m not good enough.”
Then ask yourself:
What’s the evidence for this?
What’s the evidence against it?
What would I say to a friend I care about?
What’s a more balanced thought?
Balanced doesn’t mean overly positive; it means accurate.
DBT: Building a "Both/And" Mindset
DBT teaches us to hold two truths at once:
“This is painful.”
“I can take one small step.”
Mindfulness: Savor What’s Good
A compassionate alternative thought could be:
“I’m not meant to carry this alone.”
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I should be over this by now,” I want to offer a different frame: you’re not behind. You’re in process.
And if you’ve been doing the work—showing up, practicing, repairing, trying again—please don’t call that luck.
It’s you.
The Journey of Self-Recognition
Recognizing our efforts and achievements is crucial for mental health. It fosters resilience and encourages us to keep moving forward. When we acknowledge our hard work, we empower ourselves to face future challenges.
Building a Supportive Environment
Creating a supportive environment is essential. Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Engage in conversations that promote growth and understanding. Share your experiences and listen to others. This exchange can be incredibly healing.
The Role of Therapy
Therapy can be a valuable tool in this journey. It provides a safe space to explore thoughts and feelings. A therapist can help you reframe negative beliefs and develop healthier coping strategies.
Celebrating Small Wins
Don’t forget to celebrate small wins along the way. Each step forward is significant. Acknowledging these moments can boost your confidence and motivation.
Conclusion: Embrace Your Journey
In conclusion, it’s vital to embrace your journey. Recognize your efforts, celebrate your achievements, and be gentle with yourself. Growth is a process, and it’s okay to take your time. You are not alone in this journey, and you have the strength to navigate through challenges.
Let’s give ourselves the credit we deserve. It’s not just luck; it’s hard work, resilience, and growth.
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