Happy Valentine's Day 2025 - the year that reminds us of 1984. If you live long enough... you will witness the cycles of political blow-back in every direction. Thank God, I am not here to talk about politics! I am here to talk about young adult mental health. Of course you're tired, burnt-out, depressed, anxious and traumatized. The Body Keeps the Score! It's not your fault! You went out to vote. You talked to your parents about their FOX news problem. You tried to explain that being different, queer, LGBTQ does not mean you're evil. Quite the opposite. You are MORE sensitive. By definition, you have had to FIGHT more just to live and breathe. So why should the laws of the land be so NEGATIVE, PUNITIVE and MEAN SPIRITED? Is Trump's racism, homophobia, xenophobia, antisemitism and misogyny founded? Never. He is a schoolyard bully who puts people down just to lift himself up.
So how can love be love?
Self care and self-compassion, helping your parts heal, therapy, mindfulness, intention, logic, science, hope, breathe, art and arts -- are so important for a thriving society. Look at societies that removed scholars and art. How did that work out? Societies that produce beauty - that's where we need to look. Losing the Kennedy Center, the free flow of people and trade, the freedom to choose, voice an opinion, go to the doctor, make other people sick by your choices - what is that? Yes friends, it's the rise of "we don't care about you fascism." The antidote of course is LOVE.
Lean into Love
While love can be exhilarating, it also comes with challenges, especially for young adults:
Communication Issues: Young adults may struggle with expressing their feelings or navigating conflicts in relationships. Keep practicing!
Social Media Influence: The impact of social media can create unrealistic expectations and pressure regarding relationships and dating. Set moderate goals!
Fear of Commitment: Many young adults may hesitate to commit seriously, fearing loss of independence or past relationship trauma. Take a risk for love!
Navigating Relationships
Here are some tips for young adults to navigate love and relationships effectively:
Open Communication: Encourage honest discussions about feelings, expectations, and boundaries. One client said, I am not sure how he considers us. Did you ask him? I said. If you don't talk, nothing will change!
Self-Reflection: Take time to understand personal values and what one wants in a relationship. Don't make a checklist of unattainable traits - allow yourself to be spontaneous!
Respect and Empathy: Cultivating respect and empathy is essential for healthy relationships. If someone hurts you, speak up! Maybe he'll learn something for the next time.
Fighting: There are positive and negative aspects to fighting - if no insight is achieved and you find yourself stuck in these disputes, it's time to delve deeper. I always say, if it's hard in the beginning it won't get easier in the end...
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, explores the bonds between individuals, particularly in the context of child-caregiver relationships.
Attachment Styles
Secure: Healthy balance of closeness and independence.
Anxious: High levels of anxiety and uncertainty in relationships.
Avoidant: Preference for emotional distance and self-reliance.
Disorganized: Lack of a clear attachment strategy, often stemming from trauma.
Impact on Relationships
Attachment styles affect how individuals relate to others in adulthood, influencing romantic relationships, friendships, and parenting styles, even work families.
For young adults, love and Valentine's Day are about exploration, growth, attachment and connection. Whether through romantic relationships or friendships, the experiences during this time can shape their understanding of love for years to come. One of my clients said she was sad to be alone. She also said, I made one friend. This is just the beginning of your spark that cannot be denied.
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