Search Results

Mental health for young adults is a topic close to my heart. Navigating the transition from adolescence to adulthood can be both exciting and challenging. During this time, young adults face new responsibilities, social pressures, and emotional changes that can impact their mental well-being. As someone who cares deeply about fostering healthier, more peaceful lives, I want to share practical insights and compassionate advice to support young adults on their mental health journey. Understanding Mental Health for Young Adults Mental health for young adults is a complex and multifaceted issue. It involves emotional, psychological, and social well-being, influencing how individuals think, feel, and behave. Young adults often experience stress from school, work, relationships, and identity exploration. These pressures can sometimes lead to anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. Recognizing the signs early is crucial. Some common indicators include: Persistent sadness or irritability Withdrawal from friends and family Changes in sleep or eating habits Difficulty concentrating or making decisions Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness Supporting young adults means creating a safe space where they feel heard and understood. Encouraging open conversations about mental health can reduce stigma and empower them to seek help when needed. Magnolia Season, DC Practical Ways to Support Young Adults’ Mental Health Supporting mental health for young adults requires a thoughtful and proactive approach. Here are some practical strategies that can make a real difference: Encourage Healthy Routines Establishing regular sleep, exercise, and nutrition habits can stabilize mood and energy levels. Suggest simple activities like morning walks or cooking balanced meals together. Promote Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing, or yoga can help manage stress. Even a few minutes a day can bring a sense of calm and clarity. Foster Social Connections Encourage participation in clubs, groups, or volunteer work. Positive social interactions build resilience and reduce feelings of isolation. Provide Access to Professional Help Sometimes, professional support is necessary. Therapy, counseling, or support groups offer specialized guidance tailored to individual needs. Educate About Mental Health Sharing reliable information helps young adults understand their experiences and reduces fear or confusion. Be Patient and Non-Judgmental Recovery and growth take time. Listening without judgment and offering consistent support can strengthen trust and encourage openness. By integrating these approaches, families and professionals can create a nurturing environment that promotes mental wellness. What is the 3 Month Rule in Mental Health? The "3 month rule" in mental health is a guideline often used to assess the persistence and severity of symptoms before making a formal diagnosis or treatment plan. It suggests that if symptoms of anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues last for three months or more, it may be time to seek professional evaluation. This rule helps differentiate between temporary stress reactions and more chronic conditions. For young adults, this is particularly important because early intervention can prevent symptoms from worsening. Understanding this rule encourages patience and observation. It also highlights the importance of monitoring mental health over time rather than reacting to every fleeting emotion. If you notice that a young adult’s struggles persist beyond this period, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance. How Families and Professionals Can Collaborate Supporting young adults with mental health challenges is most effective when families and professionals work together. Here’s how this collaboration can be strengthened: Open Communication: Families should feel comfortable sharing observations and concerns with therapists or counselors. Professionals can provide feedback and strategies tailored to the young adult’s needs. Consistent Support: Both parties should encourage adherence to treatment plans, including therapy sessions, medication (if prescribed), and lifestyle changes. Education and Training: Parents and caregivers can benefit from specialized training to understand mental health conditions better and learn how to respond effectively. Empowerment: Professionals can help young adults develop coping skills and self-advocacy, while families provide emotional support and encouragement. Crisis Planning: Establish clear plans for managing emergencies, including recognizing warning signs and knowing when to seek immediate help. This partnership creates a safety net that promotes recovery and resilience. Embracing a Holistic Approach to Mental Wellness Mental health for young adults is not just about managing symptoms; it’s about fostering overall well-being. A holistic approach considers physical health, emotional balance, social connections, and personal growth. Some ways to embrace this approach include: Encouraging Creative Expression: Art, music, writing, or dance can be therapeutic outlets for emotions. Promoting Physical Activity: Regular exercise boosts mood and reduces anxiety. Supporting Academic and Career Goals: Helping young adults set realistic goals and manage stress related to school or work. Building Life Skills: Teaching time management, problem-solving, and communication skills enhances confidence and independence. Nurturing Spirituality or Mindfulness: Practices that connect individuals to a sense of purpose or inner peace can be grounding. By addressing the whole person, we create a foundation for lasting mental health. If you want to take immediate steps to support a young adult in your life, consider this resource: Help Your Young Adult with Mental Health Now . Moving Forward with Compassion and Hope Supporting mental health for young adults is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs. It requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn and adapt. By fostering open dialogue, encouraging healthy habits, and collaborating with professionals, we can help young adults navigate this critical phase with resilience and hope. Remember, every small step counts. Whether it’s a kind word, a listening ear, or seeking professional help, your support can make a profound difference in a young adult’s life. Together, we can create a world where mental health is valued, and young adults thrive with confidence and peace.

Navigating your 20s can feel like walking a tightrope between exciting opportunities and overwhelming challenges. Whether it’s managing stress from work, relationships, or personal growth, having the right support can make all the difference. Online therapy has become a powerful tool for many young adults seeking guidance and healing in a flexible, accessible way. But how do you find the best fit for your unique needs? Let’s explore how to find the best online therapist for your 20s and make the most of this journey. Why Online Therapy for 20s is a Game-Changer The 20s are a time of transition - moving out, starting careers, building relationships, and figuring out who you really are. Traditional therapy can sometimes feel intimidating or inconvenient, especially with busy schedules and social anxieties. Online therapy offers a relaxed, accessible alternative that fits into your life seamlessly. Flexibility: Schedule sessions around your classes, work, or social life. Comfort: Talk from your favorite cozy spot, whether it’s your bedroom or a quiet café. Variety: Access therapists from different backgrounds and specialties, no matter where you live. Affordability: Many platforms offer sliding scale fees or subscription models that can be easier on your budget. For example, if you’re a college student juggling exams and part-time jobs, online therapy can provide consistent support without the stress of commuting or rigid appointment times. It’s a way to prioritize your mental health while maintaining your lifestyle. How to Choose the Right Online Therapist for Your 20s Finding the right therapist is like finding a good friend - it takes time, trust, and a bit of trial and error. Here are some practical steps to help you choose wisely: Identify Your Needs: Are you dealing with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or career stress? Some therapists specialize in certain areas, so knowing your focus helps narrow down options. Check Credentials: Look for licensed professionals with experience in young adult mental health. Consider Therapy Style: Some therapists use cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), others prefer mindfulness or talk therapy. Research what resonates with you. Read Reviews and Bios: Many platforms provide client reviews and therapist bios. Look for someone whose approach and personality feel like a good match. Schedule a Consultation: Many therapists offer a free or low-cost initial session. Use this to see if you feel comfortable and understood. Remember, it’s okay to switch therapists if the first one doesn’t feel right. Your comfort and trust are key to making progress. What is a Red Flag in Therapy? While therapy is meant to be a safe space, not every therapist will be the right fit. Recognizing red flags early can save you time and emotional energy. Here are some warning signs to watch for: Lack of Empathy: If your therapist seems dismissive or uninterested in your feelings, that’s a problem. Pushing Boundaries: Therapy should respect your pace. If you feel pressured to share more than you’re ready for, speak up or reconsider. Unprofessional Behavior: This includes being late consistently, canceling frequently, or inappropriate comments. Ignoring Your Goals: Therapy should be collaborative. If your therapist ignores what you want to work on, it’s a sign to reassess. Overpromising Results: Healing is a process. Be cautious of therapists who guarantee quick fixes or unrealistic outcomes. Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it’s okay to seek a second opinion or change therapists. Therapy session notes highlighting important reflections Making the Most of Your Online Therapy Experience Once you find your therapist, maximizing the benefits of online therapy involves some mindful practices: Create a Private Space: Find a quiet, comfortable spot where you won’t be interrupted. Set a Routine: Treat therapy sessions like important appointments. Consistency helps build momentum. Be Open and Honest: The more you share, the better your therapist can support you. Use Tools and Homework: Many therapists provide exercises or journaling prompts. Engage with these between sessions. Practice Patience: Change takes time. Celebrate small victories and be gentle with setbacks. For example, if anxiety is your focus, your therapist might guide you through breathing exercises or cognitive reframing techniques to practice daily. These small steps add up to meaningful progress. Supporting Your Mental Health Beyond Therapy Therapy is a powerful tool, but it’s just one part of a holistic approach to mental wellness. Here are some additional ways to support your mental health in your 20s: Stay Active: Regular exercise boosts mood and reduces stress. Connect with Others: Build a support network of friends, family, or support groups. Practice Mindfulness: Meditation, yoga, or simple breathing exercises can ground you. Maintain Healthy Habits: Sleep, nutrition, and hydration all impact mental health. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and protect your energy. Combining these habits with therapy creates a balanced, sustainable path to well-being. Finding the best online therapist for 20s is a personal journey, but one worth taking. With the right support, your 20s can be a time of growth, healing, and self-discovery. Remember, you deserve care that meets you where you are and helps you thrive. If you’re ready to start, take a deep breath, trust yourself, and take that first step toward a healthier, more peaceful life.

xmas day 2025 A Slow Descent from Scarsdale We started moving down from Scarsdale slowly at first. It felt like a sedate drip of loss. Where do you go if you start off high? I don’t just mean in status. I mean in experience and process. Ultimately, you might end up feeling like an ascetic. I’ve been told I have too much clutter, so I guess that’s why. I like to hold onto things. It could have been a divorce like any other. Reflections on My Childhood Wait, I should start earlier if this is a memoir. My parents’ marriage was… well, let’s just say we were somehow upper middle class—thanks to my brilliant grandfather, a genius of sorts, who supposedly went months without talking to my grandmother. I had a loving family, a dog named Hector Protector (apparently, we needed protection), and a big house filled with friends. We visited our maternal grandparents every weekend and Dad’s parents often too. I remember the wallpaper in our big Scarsdale house. My mother said decorating was not her strongest suit. But green and orange? Whatever. The only time I saw her cry was when the dog ate the expensive curtains. We had a fireplace, and I’ve never had one since. I know how it sounds. Spoiled girl! The Impact of My Father's Personality But the hits kept coming. My dad was a mix of Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump, sprinkled with some borscht-belt humor. His narcissistic wounds came from his mother, who scolded him, “Where are the other two points?” or praised him with, "Look at my boy, how handsome!" And he was. Quick and clever, just like his parents—a very bright couple. Dad was boxed out of that marriage in a way. His mother was intense, a full-time working English teacher, as many women in my family were. She would read us short stories, some quite disturbing, like "The Most Dangerous Game." Of four brothers who lived well into their 90s, my paternal Grandpa dropped dead at 62 on New Year’s Eve, right as he was about to enjoy his well-earned retirement. All the luck. This backdrop was filled with great hope and promise in this country: Vietnam but post-war optimism, JFK, the moon landing. We could do anything. My father was going to catapult from books to movies. Then he left. A Turbulent Family Dynamic On Yom Kippur, when I was nine, my father shoved my aunt. I was scared. Apparently, fasting isn’t the best for every family. My mother sued my father for child support. That year, when I visited him in California, he struck the process server with a lug wrench from the car seat. Somehow, his arm was gushing blood, and having just received my driver’s license, I found myself driving to Cedars Sinai emergency down one of the boulevards near LA. This may have been the beginning of my people-pleasing tendencies to avoid my father’s rage—his narcissistic rage. He believed he was special and deserved special treatment, explosive when he didn’t get it. My mother chalked it up to bipolar disorder. It took me a long time to appreciate the highs and lows of childhood—who knew? Once she stated, “The year he was on lithium was the best year of our marriage.” As the "golden child" of my father’s doting attention, I basked in the light of tennis (or anything with a racket), thrilled to be his narcissistic supply. I behaved well and excelled. I had some minor weaknesses—a tendency toward disorganization, shall we say? I would lose things. I still remember him whipping his head around after slamming on the brakes. We would go back for it. What is it called when you try to counteract the pain of abandonment? You over-try, over-compensate. You fawn and navigate social situations like a helpless child, tuned up by hyper-vigilance of your environment. I could get on so well in social situations that I became a therapist—my very own superpower! The Reality of Abandonment Oh wait. I forgot the middle. Is this a memoir? My father had a lot of ideas. He was tall, handsome, and grandiose. But when he left us—and boy, do I mean left us—he left me with the mistaken belief that he would still magically be there for all the experiences a young girl might need. Full stop. Reality is what’s happening. A weak grasp on reality is telling your kids you would ALWAYS be there for them and then moving 3,000 miles away. OK, it happens. But the narcissism. Yes, oh yes, the narcissism. "I'm going to hit the Next.Big.Thing!" he would exclaim. Ever met an old man narcissist? Not pretty. Finding Stability in Uncertainty Don’t worry; I did OK. I married someone more eccentric and less social than my father, but definitely more loyal. He taught me much about loyalty and many other things. Oh, and my mother died. That was like sooooooo bad. Do you see? I’m just a regular girl trying to survive in this cruel world. My husband became disabled. That doesn’t define me. I mean, the resentment is as hot as a poker on Christmas, which it happens to be today. Years of nothingness without a mother, father, or husband. My kids fulfilled me and exhausted me, but that blur of time was everything. I worked so hard to shield them from our harsh political failure while my husband railed against the rise of authoritarianism in the US, long before Trump. We had friends, we lost friends. We had family, we lost family. His family treated me with utter disdain because they didn’t like him. I didn’t deserve that. The Loss of a Mentor I had a therapist who died of an apparent overdose. Yep. I met him at Kripalu—totally random. He was only the third therapist I’d ever had in my life. He was larger than life. A Buddhist with a vast trauma history and a flair for storytelling, this guy was the real deal. You wanted to be him. I was utterly drawn to him in some strange, mystical way. I think I’m intuitive. I feel and sense things seconds before they happen. Sometimes, I still cling to the feeling that a natural disaster will literally sweep Trump away. Embracing the Holiday Spirit I’ve been thinking a lot about Christmas. I copped out by being Jewish all these years. I didn’t really care much about Christian holidays. But this year, I decided to lean into it a little. What is really going on here? You work all year for this one frenzied day? Help me understand! The build-up and letdown have GOT to be disappointing. Build-up to what exactly? My client stated that the postman, whom she doesn’t like, slipped something under her apartment door! Up until this moment, I still don’t think I understand. Is that terrifying? A girl alone in New York City—what is she to do? Thirty years ago, I still remember bumping into my old high school friend Aaron Sorkin on the uptown 4-5-6 subway. I wasn't afraid then. (He even named a character for me!!). A Life Full of Challenges I’ve had a good life. My friend says, “You’re so lucky; you haven’t had any bad stuff.” What? (As my daughter constantly says to me when I sound incoherent after a long day). Friend, I say, I've had plenty. We all have. You pick like a scab. Obsessive but not compulsive, we joke. My friends and I like to laugh. Some of my friends get into fights at pickleball. I don’t. (Of course). The Complexity of Relationships My husband is annoying, and people don’t like him. It’s OK because he’s smart (book-smart, like reads the Constitution in the bathroom smart, can take any test smart) and tall (like can’t sit on an airplane tall). People find him intimidating. Oh, and he is intimidating. He wears black and knows a lot about a lot of things. I know a little bit about a small group of things. I don’t know how this marriage has lasted. I’m just starting to realize that I actually do need him to look after me—not just the other way around. I do things backward a lot of times. I fall. Yes, even though I am athletic with a racket, I can’t dance, and I am clumsy. I fall into myself. Finding Gratitude Amidst Chaos I shouldn’t be so focused on self-pity. My kids turned out amazing! I guess I need to be more like George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” which the same husband forced us all to watch on Christmas Eve. I need to appreciate what I have. The dark night of my mother’s solstice birthday. The grim realities of my job getting overtaken by AI. The prospect of my husband’s back ever getting stronger. The panic as I see my kids launch into a society possessed, I tell you, by greed. As if nothing else mattered. My small, messy house is under-par. But the family is whole. Wholly messed up. Holly Holy Love (thank you Neil Diamond). On this journey, we learn to navigate the complexities of life, relationships, and our own mental health. It's a path filled with suffering, but also, moments of joy and connection. Embracing these experiences can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us.

local track - hastings-on-hudson, ny When the darkness starts coming around mid-November and the clocks turn back, many people call me - in fact - the most people call me of all the times of the year! (However, I have read it can happen in ANY season!!). As the Solstice approaches we all have to turn inward a while. It's not a punishment, as my dear Dad would say. I happen to be one of those rare individuals who is BOTH an introvert and an extrovert. I love to be around people (the right people at the right time, and not too many!); but I also appreciate taking a walk by myself, hearing the sounds of nature, and reading something compelling. I love books, pickleball and photography. I hate cooking, treadmills and crowds. It's all good. Here are some tips from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy which could help you, your clients and your family!! Mindfulness: Take a few moments each day to pause, breathe, and check in with yourself. Notice your emotions without judgment, just name them and allow them to be present. Build in small mindful moments: a quiet walk, a mindful bite of food, or a minute of deep breathing. Emotion Regulation: Prioritize sleep, hydration, and movement, your body influences your emotions more than you think. Practice Opposite Action when difficult feelings arise, do the opposite of how you feel. Add small, pleasant activities to your day to help balance stress. Distress Tolerance: If emotions rise, use the TIPP skills: temperature change, intense exercise, paced breathing, paired muscle relaxation. Keep a coping plan in mind for challenging situations: step outside, listen to music, call a friend. Try Grounding skills like the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory scan: notice 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste to bring yourself back to the present. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Set gentle and clear boundaries around your time and energy. Use the FAST skill to support self-respect in communication: be fair, don’t apologize unnecessarily, stick to your values, and be truthful. Give yourself permission to say “no” when needed, and “yes” to things that support your well-being. Gratitude: Consider naming 3 small things you appreciate each day. Gratitude can be simple: a warm drink, a good laugh, or a moment of peace. Gratitude helps shift the brain toward what’s grounding, steady, and nourishing. The holidays can be wonderful and they can also be hard. Please remember that you’re not alone, and you have skills to support yourself through whatever arises. Wishing you moments of calm, connection, and care this season. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Crisis Text Line is available free, confidential, and 24/7. Text Got5 to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor.

My theory is that young adults went underground during COVID. Some thrived, while others got lost in the weeds. This led to a new brand of anxiety called overthinking . This phenomenon is especially evident in girls. I have heard girls spend entire sessions discussing one text, one TikTok, one meme, or one like. They are driven by the dopamine rush that comes from likes. I honestly don't think Zuckerberg had any idea what he was unleashing. The need to be "liked" is paramount for teen girls. There is nothing more important! The Impact of Social Media Perhaps this need stems from personality traits, family dynamics, or even past traumas. Constant hyper-vigilance in thoughts is likely a product of the teen brain at a critical moment. The reinforcement they receive is akin to indulging in a Carvel ice cream sundae! If you "see and hear" their TikTok, you might even "get" them. Understanding their perspective can foster patience and empathy. Girls are wired for attachment, and through this lens, the neediness of a whole generation becomes apparent. Parents, often distracted by work and the middle-class anxiety over survival and finances, have contributed to this problem. Let’s not place all the blame on social media; I happen to appreciate it. The Feeling of Unsafety Feeling unsafe is another significant issue. Trauma can lead to hyper-vigilance regarding one's surroundings. A good starting point for intervention involves the two best anti-depressants in the world: exercise and creativity. Here’s a more detailed list of activities to try. Start by trying one new thing and see how it makes you feel! Activities for Young Adults Feeling Isolated Join a Club or Group Book Clubs : Connect with fellow readers and share insights. Sports Teams : Engage in physical activity while building camaraderie. Art or Craft Classes : Explore your creative side with others. Volunteer Local Charities : Give back to your community and meet new people. Community Gardens : Enjoy nature while contributing to sustainability. Animal Shelters : Help care for animals in need. Attend Workshops or Classes Cooking Classes : Learn new culinary skills and enjoy delicious food. Dance Lessons : Get moving and express yourself through dance. Fitness or Yoga Sessions : Improve your physical health and mental well-being. Explore Nature Hiking : Discover beautiful trails and enjoy the great outdoors. Picnicking in Parks : Relax and unwind in a natural setting. Biking Trails : Combine exercise with exploration. Engage in Online Communities Social Media Groups : Connect with like-minded individuals. Online Gaming : Enjoy gaming while building friendships. Virtual Meetups : Participate in discussions and activities from home. Start a New Hobby Photography : Capture moments and express your creativity. Gardening : Cultivate plants and enjoy the therapeutic benefits. Writing or Blogging : Share your thoughts and experiences. Participate in Local Events Festivals : Celebrate local culture and meet new people. Concerts : Enjoy live music and connect with fellow fans. Community Fairs : Discover local artisans and vendors. Connect with Friends or Family Game Nights : Enjoy fun and laughter with loved ones. Movie Marathons : Share your favorite films with friends. Cooking Meals Together : Bond over food and create lasting memories. Practice Mindfulness or Meditation Join a Meditation Group : Learn techniques to calm your mind. Use Mindfulness Apps : Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Attend Retreats : Immerse yourself in a peaceful environment. Seek Professional Support Therapy or Counseling : Talk to a professional about your feelings. Support Groups : Share experiences and gain insights from others. Workshops on Mental Health : Learn strategies to improve your well-being. By engaging in these activities, young adults can combat feelings of isolation and foster connections. Remember, taking the first step is often the hardest, but it can lead to significant changes in your life.

Navigating the teenage years can be a rough journey, especially when anxiety becomes a frequent companion. As a parent, it’s essential to understand this challenge to provide support and foster an environment where emotions can be shared openly. With anxiety rates among teens rising, with a reported increase of 25% in anxiety symptoms from 2011 to 2021, recognizing and dealing with these issues is more important than ever. Anxiety can show up in various ways—from worries about grades and social situations to feelings of loneliness. My work with teens facing these challenges has taught me valuable lessons that can assist you as a parent. Understanding Teen Anxiety It's normal for teens to experience some degree of anxiety, but distinguishing between typical feelings and more serious issues is vital. For instance, I met a girl who struggled intensely with anxiety about her school performance. She felt sick to her stomach before every math test, fearing failure. This vivid example illustrates how anxiety can infiltrate everyday life and impact relationships. Delving into the root causes of anxiety is a key step toward addressing it effectively. Studies show that 70% of teens report feeling stressed by academic pressures. Other sources of anxiety include peer relationships, social media influence, and high parental expectations. Being mindful of these factors can help foster understanding. For example, I had a client who failed her chemistry final. She was upset not because of her grade, but because others could see her crying outside the bathroom at school! Kids actually feel that they are being watched all the time! (Are they?) I try to work with: "who cares?!" in this situation. Seriously, everyone is so worked up about their own troubles, why would they notice you? The Signs of Anxiety Identifying anxiety in teens can be difficult but doesn't have to be. What's fascinating is that some teens can handle it just fine. During college, my boyfriend at the time once took apart a car (my car!!) and put it back together again—then also got straight A's in college by never, and I mean never, studying! Others are so demanding and hypercritical of themselves that they are paralyzed and stuck in procrastination loops. At some point, you gotta just "do it." They might not communicate their feelings directly but instead show changes in behavior, such as my favorite non-coping mechanism: avoidance. Avoidance does nothing for you but intensify anxiety. From my experience, typical signs include: Increased irritability or mood swings Withdrawal from social interactions Unusual sleep patterns, either insomnia or oversleeping Trouble concentrating on schoolwork or tasks Physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches without clear medical reasons If you see any of these signs in your child, consider initiating a gentle conversation about their feelings. Creating a trusting and non-judgmental space encourages them to share their worries. In these cases, I often work with the idea of "thought choice/stopping." You have a choice in each moment how to act and what to do. No one ever told me this; I thought I was doomed to anxious thoughts. Pick and choose your worries. Open Communication Maintaining open communication is one of the best tools for addressing teen anxiety. I learned that a non-confrontational environment—but even more so—an actively supportive environment invites teens to express their emotions (especially if you use humor). ("What's the worst that could happen?"). Jon Haight says they need more free play—of course! I love hearing the kids in my neighborhood play. That carefree world of going home at dusk is over—but the freedom to make mistakes is still around... Instead of "stranger danger," says Haight, monitor their phones, not their street cred. One client said she was terrified letting her child go to the city alone. Go and rescue him, or let him sort it out? My child missed the last train—go and rescue her or make her take an expensive Uber?! Tough one. If determined to be safe, marinating in the consequences of bad judgment teaches some great life-long lessons indeed. Tools for Managing Anxiety Here are some practical strategies to help your teen manage anxiety effectively: Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques : Activities such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can be effective in reducing anxiety. Apps like Headspace and Calm offer guided sessions that can introduce these practices seamlessly into your teen's routine. Physical Activity : Encourage your teen to find physical activities they enjoy, whether it’s team sports, dance, or just walking. Regular exercise has been shown to lower anxiety levels significantly, contributing to improved mental health. Creative Outlets : Encourage artistic expressions like drawing, music, or writing. Engaging in these activities can provide a constructive way for teens to process their feelings. Limit Media Consumption : The constant flow of news and social media can escalate anxiety. Encourage limited screen time to help your teen disconnect from triggers and focus on their mental health. Seek Professional Help When Needed : If anxiety continues or worsens, consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional. Early help can lead to effective coping strategies that assist your teen in managing anxiety long-term. Support Networks Building a reliable support network is crucial for your child's mental health. Encourage them to engage with friends who uplift them and to participate in clubs or activities that reflect their interests. Getting involved in community groups—whether through sports, art classes, or academic clubs—can significantly reduce feelings of loneliness and anxiety. These connections promote a sense of belonging and are invaluable during challenging times. Always remind your teen that leaning on friends is natural and often necessary. A peaceful space for reflection and relaxation. Final Thoughts Addressing teen anxiety is a complex journey, but with the right tools and strategies, you can empower your child to face their feelings head-on. By fostering open communication, teaching coping skills, and encouraging strong connections, you can make a significant difference in your teen's ability to manage their anxiety. Remember, many parents share similar experiences and challenges. With understanding and compassion, we can create nurturing environments for our teens, allowing them to grow and thrive. Your active involvement is key to helping prevent panic and building resilience in your child's life. Let’s navigate this path together, supporting our teens every step of the way. (Try my course for more insights!)

The whole reason I went into this thing is because after college I was rather shocked. No longer around thousands of kids my age, I looked around for the gaggle of friends I always had to sustain me. Empty, broken, bored, and scared, I flailed about and got more friends. But what if it doesn't come that easily for you? What if the dating apps make you obsess so much that you would rather read War and Peace at the library? We can say it's a critical time in a child's life - the chance to grow up and discover your true identity. But. Your parents are broke, you live in the basement, your boyfriend is self-absorbed and your job is mind-numbing? What then? Sure - go join a meetup, go hiking, go skiing, do stuff. What if you're an introvert? What if you don't drive? What if you had a bad or a ton of bad experiences in college and childhood? What could possibly go wrong? Perhaps we have to repair the missing pieces first. According to "Positive Psychology" here are just a few ways trauma can impact launching: Childhood trauma can significantly impact mental & emotional development, leading to challenges in behavior & relationships. Healing from trauma involves creating a safe environment, fostering trust & promoting open communication for emotional recovery. Professional support & therapeutic interventions are vital in helping children & adults process trauma & build resilience. If a young adult is having trouble - I find they might need to go back before they go forward. This process has to do with dealing with the trauma and regaining the lost confidence, skills, learning, etc. Go back to get unstuck: this was not your fault!! Go forward to practice: this is the method, the how and the why. You can build emotional safety into your relationships! Here are just a few from this article: ( https://positivereseteatontown.com/how-to-build-emotional-safety-in-relationships-after-experiencing-trauma/ ) For the Young Adult - Prioritize Self-Awareness & Healing : Understand your triggers and how trauma impacts you. Therapy (individual or group) is crucial for processing trauma and rebuilding self-trust. Build Emotional Safety : Cultivate a sense of calm and safety within yourself and your environment. Establish Boundaries : Define what feels safe and acceptable; boundaries are key to feeling secure, not pushing people away. Communicate Needs Gradually : Share your experiences at your own pace, starting with general feelings, as trust grows. Challenge Negative Thoughts : Trauma creates distortions; work to recognize and change patterns that say "all people are unsafe". Find Support : Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups outside the relationship.   Once this work is done one can move toward exposure to people, experimentation, risk-taking, remembering that the past is over! Let's see if a #traumainformed approach can help a little in overcoming loneliness. I'd rather deeply heal and gain some freedom than be locked into a never-ending cycle of regret.

Navigating the teenage years can be a challenging experience for both parents and their children. As teens seek independence, it becomes crucial for parents to foster open and respectful communication. Building trust and understanding during this formative period can significantly impact your relationship with your teen. In this blog post, we'll discuss practical tips for improving communication with your teenager and ensuring that the lines of dialogue remain open. Understanding Teen Behavior Before diving into communication strategies, it's vital to understand the emotional and psychological changes that teenagers undergo. The teenage brain is still developing, particularly in areas associated with decision-making and impulse control. As a result, teens may often act out or misinterpret conversations. This understanding should guide how you approach discussions with your teen. Instead of taking things personally, try to empathize with their struggles. Recognizing that mood swings and emotional reactions are part of their development will help create a more harmonious environment. Creating a Safe Space for Dialogue A key part of effective communication is establishing a safe space where your teen feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Here are some actions you can take: Listen Actively : Show genuine interest when your teen speaks. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to elaborate. For instance, instead of asking, "Did you have a good day?", try "What was the best part of your day?" Be Non-Judgmental : When your teen shares personal thoughts, refrain from reacting with judgment or criticism. This will encourage them to be open with you in the future. Choose the Right Time : Timing is essential. Engage in conversations when both you and your teen are relaxed. Perhaps a casual car ride or during dinner can present the perfect opportunity for relaxed dialogue. Creating a warm environment for family discussions. Setting Boundaries with Respect Setting boundaries is an important aspect of parenting. However, how you communicate these boundaries can greatly affect your teen's perception of authority. Establish a collaborative approach to boundary-setting. Here are some steps to consider: Involve Your Teen : Rather than imposing rules, involve your teen in the discussion. For example, if you’re setting curfews, ask for their input on what seems reasonable, and negotiate a compromise. Explain the Reasons : Help your teen understand the rationale behind boundaries. Explain how these rules protect them or build their skills for future challenges. Consistency is Key : Uphold the boundaries you set but be open to a regular review—this reinforces that you respect their growing independence while maintaining necessary guidelines. Leveraging Technology for Connection In today's digital age, technology plays a significant role in the lives of teenagers. Instead of viewing technology as a barrier to communication, consider it a tool for connection. Here are some ways to leverage it: Use Social Media : Join platforms your teenager uses to understand their world better. Engaging with them in their digital spaces can bridge the gap between your experiences and theirs. Share Content : Exchange music, podcasts, or articles that either of you finds interesting. This can spark a conversation about shared values or emerging trends. Texting as a Tool : If in-person conversations are challenging, consider sending a thoughtful text. A simple, "I'm thinking about you. Hope your day is going well!" can create a connection without the pressure of a face-to-face conversation. Fostering Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence is a crucial skill for both parents and teens. It involves understanding and managing emotions, as well as empathizing with others. To help your teen develop this skill, consider these steps: Model Behavior : Show your teen how to express their emotions constructively. For example, instead of showing frustration, narrate your feelings: "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, let me take a minute to collect my thoughts." Teach Coping Mechanisms : Introduce your teen to techniques that can help with emotional regulation, such as deep breathing or journaling. This equips them to address their feelings effectively. Discuss Emotions Openly : Create a culture where discussing feelings is normalized in your household. Use everyday moments to talk about how characters in movies or books deal with their emotions and challenges. Encouraging Independence while Staying Connected As teens strive for independence, it's essential to allow them the freedom they seek while maintaining connection. Balancing this can be tricky, but here’s how you can manage it: Praise Their Efforts : Recognize their achievements, no matter how small. This fosters their sense of capability and encourages them to discuss their future goals. Encourage Decision-Making : Allow your teen to make choices related to their education, friendships, or other interests. This builds trust and promotes healthy communication about their thought processes. Stay Involved : Even if they seem to want space, think of ways to stay engaged in their life. Show interest in their hobbies, attend their events, or simply check in on how they’re doing regularly. Embracing Change Parenting teens is a journey filled with constant change. Embrace these changes instead of fearing them. Be adaptable and open to new ways of connecting. Your relationship with your teen will evolve, and so should your communication strategies. Staying informed by reading parental guidance resources, attending workshops, or even consulting a counselor can provide additional tools to strengthen your communication. The more you learn, the better equipped you will be to foster a supportive environment. In summary, effective communication with your teenager requires active listening, mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to adapt. By implementing these strategies, you can build a solid foundation of trust and understanding, which will benefit both you and your child as they navigate their formative years.

Navigating the teenage years can be challenging for both parents and teens. During this critical life stage, teens experience rapid changes in their physical, emotional, and social lives. As parents, understanding these changes and fostering open communication is essential to help your teen feel safe and comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. In this blog post, we will explore typical teenage behaviors, the importance of creating a safe space for conversation, and practical strategies for parents to engage with their teens effectively. The Teenage Years: A Period of Transformation The teenage years are marked by significant emotional and physical growth. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, brain development continues well into the mid-20s, affecting decision-making, risk assessment, and emotional regulation. Teens may exhibit a range of behaviors that can confuse and frustrate parents: Mood Swings : It is common for teens to experience emotional ups and downs. Mood swings can occur due to hormonal changes, peer relationships, and academic pressure. Understanding that these fluctuations are typical can help parents approach their teens with empathy. Desire for Independence : Teens naturally seek autonomy as they forge their identities. They may challenge boundaries and test limits. While this can feel like rebellion, it is often a sign of healthy development. Peer Influence : During adolescence, friendships become increasingly important. The desire to fit in may lead teens to make choices they would not normally consider. Open dialogue can help parents guide their teens through these social influences. Accidental Circle of Life The Significance of Open Dialogue Creating a safe space for conversation is vital for nurturing your relationship with your teen. Open dialogue fosters trust, encouraging teens to communicate freely about their experiences, worries, and feelings. A safe space allows for: Emotional Support : Teens often face significant pressures that can lead to anxiety and stress. By providing a judgment-free environment, parents can offer understanding and support. Skill Development : Engaging in conversations helps teens develop communication skills, emotional intelligence, and decision-making abilities. It prepares them for relationships and challenges beyond their teenage years. Conflict Resolution : Open lines of communication can help address conflicts before they escalate. When teens feel comfortable discussing issues with their parents, disputes can be resolved more effectively. Tips for Creating a Safe Space for Conversations Now that we understand the importance of fostering open dialogue, here are practical strategies parents can implement: 1. Create a Comfortable Environment The location of your conversation matters. Choose a space that feels warm and inviting. It could be a cozy living room corner, a quiet coffee shop, or even a park bench. Ensure that your teen knows they can talk to you in a relaxed setting without interruptions. The goal is to create an atmosphere that encourages sharing. 2. Be Approachable Your demeanor plays a significant role in how comfortable your teen feels approaching you. Practice active listening: Maintain eye contact. Set aside your device and minimize distractions. Use open body language to convey your openness to discussion. When your teen sees you as approachable, they are more likely to open up. 3. Be Patient and Non-Judgmental Teenagers may be hesitant to share if they fear judgment or criticism. Approach conversations with an open mind. Express empathy and understanding, even if you disagree with their perspectives. Validation of their feelings can go a long way in encouraging them to express themselves. 4. Initiate Regular Check-Ins Establish a routine for check-ins to foster ongoing dialogue. These can be as simple as asking about their day or sharing thoughts on a recent event. Regular interactions help normalize communication and create opportunities for deeper discussions. 5. Encourage Friends in the Conversation Sometimes, teens feel more comfortable discussing issues when their friends are involved. Creating a group setting for discussions about challenges like peer pressure or academic stress can be beneficial. Consider organizing casual get-togethers where both you and your teen’s friends are invited, fostering a sense of community. A family enjoying a meal together, highlighting the importance of communication. Understanding Sensitivity to Topics As you engage with your teen, be aware of sensitive topics that may arise. Issues such as mental health, relationships, and societal pressures can be challenging. Being prepared to talk about these topics can help you navigate them more gracefully. Mental Health Awareness One significant concern for many teens is mental health. Anxiety and depression can manifest during these years. Create a dialogue around mental health by: Reading books or articles together about the topic. Encouraging your teen to express their feelings. Seeking support from professionals if needed. Relationship Issues Friendship dynamics and romantic relationships can be tough. Encourage your teen to discuss their relationships openly, providing a neutral ground where they can explore their feelings. Share your experiences as a way to relate, but avoid overshadowing their narrative. Academic Pressures Academic stress is common among teens. Help them understand that it is normal to feel overwhelmed. Engaging in discussions about their educational goals and pressures can provide them with the perspective they need to address these challenges mindfully. Building Trust Over Time Trust is not built overnight. It requires consistent effort, understanding, and, most importantly, patience. Here are additional ways to foster trust: Respect Privacy : While you may want to check in frequently, respecting your teen's privacy is crucial. Encourage them to share what they feel comfortable with without prying into their personal space. Be Reliable : If you promise to do something or be there for them, follow through. Reliability builds credibility and reinforces the bond of trust. Lead by Example : Model the behavior you wish to see in your teen. Share your experiences honestly. If they see you handling challenges with openness, they may mirror those behaviors. The Role of Patience and Love Teenage years are unpredictable, and it is essential for parents to remain patient and loving throughout the journey. Understanding that this phase is temporary can help parents navigate the turbulent waters with a calm and loving heart. By nurturing a supportive environment and encouraging conversation, you invite your teen to share more of their life with you. Remember, the goal is not just to talk but to listen and engage in meaningful discussions that honor their feelings and experiences.

I've been writing articles on SAD - seasonal depression/affective disorder for more than 25 years. There's not much new to say about it, but there are plenty of more reasons to be SAD. I am working with a lot of teens and young adults right now who are acting out and getting into trouble and doing risky things, which are all normal to adolescent development. What is not normal is running your parents into the ground. In other words, young people move around the world without much heed to consequences. Like my client who told the whole school she was having a Halloween Party and 300 people were going to show up. The best thing you can tell your kids is: "Did you think it through??" Let's break it down. First of all, how do you think things through if you don't have the cognitive maturity to do so? This has always fascinated me. It's like the climbers on Mt. Everest: how can they use their rational brains to make good decisions without oxygen!!?? By definition you are handicapping yourself at the most dangerous moments of your life! Here are some ways to practice this and take away the mystery. Define the Decision Clearly: Understand the problem or opportunity you are facing. Gather Relevant Information: Research and collect data that may influence your decision. Consider the Alternatives: List all possible options and evaluate their pros and cons. Weigh the Evidence: Analyze the information and assess how each option aligns with your goals. Involve Others: Seek input from trusted friends, colleagues, or experts to gain different perspectives. Consider the Long-Term Impact: Think about how your decision will affect you and others in the future. Trust Your Instincts: Listen to your gut feelings, especially if you have experience in similar situations. Make the Decision: Choose the best option based on your analysis and intuition. Implement the Decision: Take action to put your choice into effect. Reflect on the Outcome: After some time, evaluate the results of your decision to learn and improve for the future. Now you may be wondering what if I make a mistake. MAKING MISTAKES IS THE ONLY WAY WE LEARN! Keep making mistakes. Fall on your face. Good for you! You see the kids who are not trying? Sitting in their rooms or on their phones all night? Please get out there and see what real life has to offer. This is your time!

Boyz to Men I don't see many boys. It seems they don't like therapy. And the world watches as they become angrier, disenfranchised, downsized and addicted. Why why why - if I only knew I'd be rich. Well you can't blame the Mothers. That's old news. Now men are armed and dangerous. Every time they raise their voices I myself get a little more afraid. So what, if anything, can be done about this rage? Channel it? I like David Hoag. He stands up to challenge the status quo only after witnessing the unimaginable. I like Steven Colbert. He acts impenetrable in the face of doom. I even like Doug Emhoff and Pete Buddigege who push back on anti semitism and lgbtg shaming. How did they get their voices to be reasonable? How are the fathers doing? Probably not too fine as their 401ks stumble and their workspaces shrink. Probably not so thrilled that their college savings bought their kids access to what exactly? Clearly it's time for new leadership. New role models. What? Barack Obama wasn't cool enough for you? Now what? A young man in my office is bright and worthy and emotionally astute. I'm so proud of him as he battles his demeaning father's narcissism. Another one is doing so well after facing down porn addiction and shame during his teen years. He will go on to feel normal again. And still another young man tries desperately not to fall into grief after a big family secret unraveled his reality. He can manage by leaning into his more true self, a more compassionate one. What they all share is a willingness to create space. Men always ask me the how of it all. This IS the how. Being present. Being woke even. Allowing anger to rise and fall as all things do. Giving permission to a more spontaneous version of heck yeah I'll try it, not running away. The how is the process. The how is listening. The how is now. Shake off and dissolve the story of what you think is happening and watch for a new one. The grooves have moved. The story is unfolding. Awake! Men may not be good with emotion for many evolutionary reasons. But some men can evolve with patience and a deference to their better halves!

My Father was a book man. Door to door at first, like his father, selling magazines before him, although they both had a secret penchant for sneaking away from work and playing bridge or ping pong or chess somewhere in Queens, NY. The books kept coming as he worked his way from seller to publisher to agent to producer. Long years of Tolkien and Roth and Atwood and Smiley; of Atlas Shrugged and Night; of East of Eden and Crime and Punishment, of reading, buying, editing, talking, books, books books. It was an idyllic childhood having literature at my fingertips. We also played every kind of ball, and I endured some rage from him as he was a serious competitor. My father and I adored each other, and our relationship defined my life. Until it didn’t. When he walked out not long after my 15th birthday, (and I was a late bloomer, even more devastating), things didn’t not turn out so well. Gone was my number one cheerleader besides my ever-nurturing mom. My father was bright, good looking, athletic and charismatic. A real live narcissist. It was a blast. He never laid a hand on me, but was big on smacking tennis balls and throwing rackets. His bipolar mood swings were under control with medication and my parents thankfully were not big drinkers (preferring ice cream). The world has changed so dramatically since 9/11 I used to think. My parents missed my kids’ things because my mom died young and my dad was on the other coast. Bicoastal was his term; of course I never liked it. When I visited him at his new home in California, I hated that too. He did not take me to outdoor adventures, but rather to Rodeo Drive and Universal Studios. He was caught up in a new culture. Once we bumped into a real movie star whom I admired, William Shatner, on the street. I was not in awe of Los Angeles. I found it to be full of fakers and takers. I didn’t understand why no one seemed to work but everyone was in line for the next-big-thing in the movie business. My dad’s bold idea was to bring books to movies and introduce them into a partnership. Some might say he was visionary in that. He failed. No matter, because life was good out there in LA LA Land. He also failed on the child support, which tore my mother up, as she worked tirelessly as a teacher - special ed English, Bronx, NY - while he sipped in his martinis and screenplays. My mother’s economic fortunes shifted downward, as is typical in divorce, and we went off to college feeling a deep sense of otherness at our new found drop in status. I was able to identify that I needed help. I kept latching on to the wrong people, hoping they could replace my missing father. But it was the ONGOING coming and going of him that set me off balance. It’s one thing to be abandoned, but over and over again? He would come in like a Disneyland Dad for sure, and then leave at the airport or train or taxi or whatever, and it was emotional whiplash. I never understood that I was his narcissistic supply until later. Our relationship had inverted. After my father’s funeral, after I had shipped his worthless antiquarian book collection back and forth across the country several times at my own expense, I let out a long, hollowed out howl that came from the darkest corner of my soul. It was cleansing to be sure. I felt as if I could fly, that’s how long it had been since I exhaled. I feel guilty that I’m not sadder. I also had a dream some time later. I was walking away from a funeral procession (presumably his?), and a dancing witch (not unlike Helena Bonham Carter in “Big Fish”) was laughing and dancing behind the crowd. She turned her head to look at me, wagged her finger and cackled distinctly, “I won’t be seeing you again,” (or something to that effect). Again I felt released. To this day I cannot recall the last book my dad and I discussed when he was hospitalized and bloated with water from congestive heart failure - though I can remember all the other books we shared together. I must have blocked it out. The mind is a strange thing when it goes from insecure people-pleasing to living on your own terms. Perhaps there’s a book in that.