Boyz to Men

Boyz to Men

I don't see many boys. It seems they don't like therapy. And the world watches as they become angrier, disenfranchised, downsized and addicted. Why why why - if I only knew I'd be rich. Well you can't blame the Mothers. That's old news. Now men are armed and dangerous. Every time they raise their voices I myself get a little more afraid.

So what, if anything, can be done about this rage? Channel it? I like David Hoag. He stands up to challenge the status quo only after witnessing the unimaginable. I like Steven Colbert. He acts impenetrable in the face of doom. I even like Doug Emhoff and Pete Buddigege who push back on anti semitism and lgbtg shaming. How did they get their voices to be reasonable?

How are the fathers doing? Probably not too fine as their 401ks stumble and their workspaces shrink. Probably not so thrilled that their college savings bought their kids access to what exactly? Clearly it's time for new leadership. New role models. What? Barack Obama wasn't cool enough for you?

Now what? A young man in my office is bright and worthy and emotionally astute. I'm so proud of him as he battles his demeaning father's narcissism. Another one is doing so well after facing down porn addiction and shame during his teen years. He will go on to feel normal again. And still another young man tries desperately not to fall into grief after a big family secret unraveled his reality. He can manage by leaning into his more true self, a more compassionate one.

What they all share is a willingness to create space. Men always ask me the how of it all. This IS the how. Being present. Being woke even. Allowing anger to rise and fall as all things do. Giving permission to a more spontaneous version of heck yeah I'll try it, not running away. The how is the process. The how is listening. The how is now. Shake off and dissolve the story of what you think is happening and watch for a new one. The grooves have moved. The story is unfolding. Awake! Men may not be good with emotion for many evolutionary reasons. But some men can evolve with patience and a deference to their better halves!