Why are Young Adults Frozen?

Perfectionism often fuels decision paralysis because it quietly raises the “starting bar” until it feels like you’re required to get everything right before you’re allowed to begin. When every choice has to be the best choice, your brain treats ordinary uncertainty as danger. You end up over-researching, rewriting, and second-guessing, not because you’re lazy or unmotivated, but because launching something imperfect can feel like a verdict on your competence. In that mindset, waiting can feel safer than trying—so progress stalls, even when the desire to move forward is strong.

If it can’t be done “right,” it doesn’t get started at all.

Examples -

All-or-nothing thinking:

Make no mistake - this IS the problem. "If I can’t do it perfectly, it’s pointless.” I hear this so often you would be alarmed. Can it possibly be BOTH things are true? You love your mom, but you also can't stand when she acts helpless. Life happens in the in-betweens.

Overwhelm + decision fatigue:

Too many options and pressure to choose the “best” path can shut momentum down. You could stand in front of that tyranny of choice forever. The only way through is through.

Low trust in systems:

They may doubt the path is fair or workable, so effort feels risky. And they're not wrong! People are questioning the utility of college, the economy for the 1%, AI and workers, AI replacing therapy! On and on. We are not as free as before those pesky phones.

Comparison culture:

Seeing others’ highlight reels makes their own first steps feel inadequate. Of course it looks like Joe Smith is now a physician assistant while you were home knitting during COVID. This is a brutal issue that haunts us with daily FOMO but put it out of your head. Do what's best for you. Do it NOW! (SEE: MEG JAY - The Defining Decade - been recommending for 25 years!).

Protecting identity:

If they don’t fully commit, they don’t have to face what it would mean if it doesn’t work. How convenient to just hide out. But you don't want to wake up in your 30s and say, "Oh man, I forgot to do anything."

Lack of small, supported steps:

Without a clear next “tiny move,” launching feels like a cliff, not a staircase. This is where the real work gets done. I often coach clients to take baby steps. Break it down as best you can. Teeny Tiny Steps. Then reflect. Then repeat.

Fear of failure (and being judged):

If trying feels like it could expose them, not trying can feel safer. Not trying was not possible when I was a kid. But this is now. If a kid starts with me, "People will think..." I already know that sentence is a red flag. Because who cares what people think! It's none of my business.

Sunk Cost Fallacy:

You start something, throw everything at it. You fail. Do you a. pivot, b. do nothing or c. throw more at it. Answer: none of the above? Get out of your head and into your life (not my line - Steven Hayes). Just keep swimming. That's the way.

How Perfectionism Leads to Paralysis?

Perfectionism creates paralysis because it turns starting into a high-stakes test instead of a normal first draft.

• The bar becomes “publish-ready,” not “version 1.” If the first attempt has to be excellent, there’s no room for messy learning—so you delay until you feel “ready,” which rarely arrives.

• You overestimate the cost of mistakes. Small imperfections feel like proof you’re not capable, so avoiding action protects you from that feeling.

• You get trapped in endless prep. Research, planning, tweaking, and reworking feel productive, but they’re safer than sending something that can be evaluated.

• Decisions feel irreversible. Picking a topic, name, offer, or design feels like it locks you in—so you keep options open by not choosing.

• Feedback becomes threatening. Launching invites real-world response; perfectionism tries to control that by waiting until criticism seems impossible.

• You confuse identity with output. If “this project” equals “me,” then a flawed result feels like a flawed self—so not launching feels like self-protection.

Conclusion

In moments of uncertainty and self-doubt, it's essential to remember that mistakes are a natural part of growth and life. Embracing our errors allows us to develop resilience and a deeper understanding of our work. By fostering an environment where we can openly discuss our fears and learn from our experiences, we not only support each other but also pave the way for future creativity and self-compassion.