
Snow over Hastings. A hush. Time has really flown. I have been working like a mad cow. Enough. I visited a training at KRIPALU a few weekends ago. It introduced me deeply into IFS, a modality I heretofore was avoiding. Another gimmick I thought. I do not like gimmicks. But this was the real deal and my wonderful teacher (https://ralphdelarosa.com/) had us all in tears with his loving and skillful approach.
I also lost a friend this week. Only a few months ago we were happily trading slams of the pickleball whiffleball where she was fond of literally dancing around the court. In short, the dying friend had more energy than I did. She left us way too soon, with three miraculous boys to carry on her absolute joyous nature. I remember the first time we chatted - we were both pushing strollers up a big hill called Mt. Hope Blvd. Later, I lost that house to the 2008 crash and moved to a smaller one. I am no stranger to loss.
Instead of ruminating about the things that bother me, I am trying to quiet my brain. I see that I got a mixed bag, a hand that was dealt like any other, a lot of grace and support; yet also a lack of support, particularly from my husband's family. I know my kids will have better luck because they are discerning, and they don't lead with emotional reasoning like I do.
I also am understanding now that the IFS work is an experiential piece so critical to expansiveness. I am literally merging my split brain into a whole one again. My *fire-fighter* parts are no longer needed for protecting me or others. I can let them rest. I am not in charge. Rather, there is a constellation of subjective, conditioned experiences that doesn't have to define me. Maybe there is no actual I or Me at all. There is, as my teacher has called it, just "Self-Energy" - but not in the Ego way. Just meeting yourself where you are. I have adjusted some therapy sessions to allow for this kind of healing to emerge. I got nervous it wouldn't work in my last session of the week. But it wasn't about me being nervous. It was letting the client make his own conclusions. I was patient at last.
I also led a local workshop "Yoga for Anxiety." How lovely it worked out when the people started sharing their own frustrations after a talk, specific yoga poses and readings. As an experienced group therapist, I was able to navigate this new venture. A small offering to a world at war with itself.
With Trump taking away basic humanitarian needs in a deranged, volatile and evil fashion I imagine the next few years will continue to be busy as we make sense of his extreme/cruel misogyny and racism. Particularly as a Jews, we will never forget the insidious descent into fascism I will have to stay strong.
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