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Poppy In working with my clients I have been overwhelmed by their sense of cynicism. Why wouldn't they be cynical: they were born into 9/11. Yes, that's my daughter, born in 2001, missed most of college due to COVID and wracked with debt in a faltering job market; in a flattening world. How in the world do I help them make sense of it? I feel like telling my daughter I'm sorry that you don't know the absolute joy of riding your bike after school without a phone. I'm sorry there's no Jewish community or any community that helps young people come together and sing/dance even. I'm sorry that for much of your life a demented lunatic has run the country with his demented lunatic cronies, stealing from your wallet with draconian student debt and soaring medical prices. A world in which you beg your partner not to call an ambulance if you stumble because you don't want to add bankruptcy to your list of ruminations. As for young adults and relationships, it couldn't be any worse. The divorce rate remains steady at over half. Beat those odds while you work two jobs. My friends' kids are starting to fail. The ones that went big are finding their souls are being sucked out by corporate grift. The ones that started slow are finding fewer opportunities. No one can afford NYC. The apps are appalling. There is simply no way to find a guy who shows up with some game and some manners. The city beats you down and is surprisingly lonely. Guys lack maturity and reliability first and foremost. Can you learn to set a time and a place? Can you not be a ghoster? And girls, do not lower your standards but adjust them. Allow for mental flexibility in the face of challenges. I have a client who has many conditions for meeting a man. The problem is nobody can meet them; they are too rigid. Of course you should be compatible. You should have chemistry, stability, values. All these ingredients mix together to form the soup. But mostly compromise is not your enemy. These times demand awareness. A path where you can believe in yourself, where people come outside when it's minus 10 degrees for Mamdani, for freedom, for hope, and prayers, not just blinding greed. People should come out for their friends and neighbors, break bread, travel. It's like the whole world is on congestion pricing now. It's not that I want to sit around and sing Kumbaya - although it couldn't hurt. I recognize that the world is shifting its tectonic plates and we must be careful and cautious. Did I ever dream when I was their age, living in Tel Aviv, Israel, wandering around by myself, that we would live in a time where you have to hide your Jewish star? And no, I am in favor of Israel's over-reach and lack of humanity. Yes, any other country would be justified in defending itself. But if you love your children more than you love your guns, you would stop and listen for a time when you could inject some free-range time, some spontaneous fun, some unstructured activity, into your kids' lives. Better to go back to basics than turn darker onto ourselves. Jon Haight got it right - not just an Anxious Generation , but a totally flummoxed, confused and angry one. Make America Joyful Again. #MAJA.

xmas day 2025 We started moving down from Scarsdale slowly at first.  A kind of slow drip/grind of loss.  Where do you go if you start off high?  I don’t just mean as far as status.  I mean as an experience, a process, so that ultimately you end up an acetic or something.  I’ve been told I have too much clutter so I guess that’s why.  I like to hold on to things. It could have been a divorce like any other.  Wait, I should start earlier if it’s a memoir.  My parents’ marriage was…  Ok let’s just say we were somehow upper middle class - through the grace of my brilliant Grandfather - a genius of sorts, who supposedly went months without talking to my Grandmother.  Lovely, well-intentioned people who lived in a fine suburb.  I didn’t mind.  I had a loving family, a dog that ran away named Hector Protector (apparently we needed protection), and a big house, lots of friends.  We saw our maternal Grandparents every weekend.  We saw Dad’s parents a lot too.  I remember the wall paper at our big Scarsdale house.  My Mother said decorating was not her strongest suit.  But green and orange?   Whatever.  I remember the only time I saw her cry was when the dog ate the curtains.  They were expensive.  We had a fireplace.  I've never had one since.  I know how it sounds.  Spoiled girl!   But the hits kept coming.  My Dad was a little like Jeffrey Epstein mixed with Donald Trump, sprinkle in some borscht-belt humor.  Narcissistic wounds came from his Mother, “Where’s the other two points,?” she scolded.  Or, "Look at my boy, how handsome! " And he was.  He was quick and clever too, just like his parents - a very bright couple.  Dad was boxed out of that marriage in a way.  His Mother was intense - a full-time working English teacher, as were many of the women in my family.  She would read us short stories, some quite disturbing, such as "The Most Dangerous Game." But of four brothers living well into their 90’s, my Grandpa Sy dropped dead at 62 on New Year’s Eve at the start of his well earned retirement.  All the luck. This was all with a background of great hope and promise in this country: Vietnam but Post-War optimism. JFK. Moon Landing. We could do anything. My Father was going to catapult from books to movies. He left. At Yom Kippur, when I was 9, my Father shoved my Aunt.  I was scared.  Apparently fasting is not the best for every family.   My Mother sued my Father for child support. That year when I visited him in California, he struck the process server with a lug wrench from the car seat.  Somehow then his arm was gushing blood, and, having just received my driver’s license, I found myself cruising to Cedars Sinai emergency down one of the Boulevards near LA.  This may have been the beginning of my people-pleasing to avoid my Father’s rage, narcissistic rage, because he was special, deserved special treatment, explosive when he didn't get it.  My Mother chalked it up to Bipolar Disorder.  That took me a long time to appreciate; the highs and lows of childhood - who knew?  Once she stated, “The year he was on lithium was the best year of our marriage.” Me being the "golden child" of my Father’s doting attention, I could bask in the light of tennis (or anything with a racket), really thrilled to be his narcissistic supply. I behaved well.  I excelled.  In a few areas I had some minor weaknesses - a tendency toward disorganization shall we say?  I would lose things.  I still remember him whipping his head around after slamming on the breaks.  We would go back for it.  What is it called when you try to counter-act the pain of abandonment?  You over-try, over-compensate. Fawn, figure out and highly astutely slither through social situations as if you belonged in the Garden of Eden, tuned up by hyper-vigilance of your environment.  The snake was you.  I could get on so well in social situations that I became a therapist - my very own super-power!  Oh wait.  I forgot the middle.  Is this a memoir?  My Father had a lot of ideas.  He was tall and handsome and grandiose.  But when he left us, and boy do I mean left us, he left me with the mistaken belief that he would still magically be there simultaneously and effortlessly by my side for all the experiences a young girl might need.  Full stop. Reality is what’s happening.  A weak grasp on reality is telling your kids you would ALWAYS be there for them and then moving 3,000 miles away.  OK it happens.  But the narcissism.  Yes O yes the narcissism.  Ever met an old man narcissist?  Not pretty.   Don’t worry I did OK.  Married someone more eccentric and less social than my Father, but definitely more loyal.  Taught me much about loyalty.  And other things, many other things.  Oh, and my Mother died.  That was like sooooooo bad.  Do you see I’m just a regular girl trying to survive this cruel world?   My husband became disabled.  Doesn’t define me.  I mean - the resentment is as hot as a poker on Christmas, which it happens to be today.  Years of nothingness without a Mother or Father or Husband.  My kids fulfilled me and exhausted me but that blur of time was everything.  I worked so hard to shield them from this harsh political failure while my husband railed against the rise of authoritarianism in the US, long before Trump.  We had friends, we lost friends.  We had family, we lost family.  His family treated me with utter disdain because they didn’t like him.  I didn’t deserve that. I had a therapist who died of an apparent overdose.  Yep.  I met him at Kripalu totally random.  He was only the 3rd therapist I’d ever had in my life.  He was larger than life.  A Buddhist who had a vast trauma history and a flair for telling it, this guy was the real deal.  You wanted to be him.  I was utterly drawn to him in some strange, mystical way.  I think I’m an intuitive.  I feel/sense? things seconds before they happen.  Sometimes.  I still have a feeling/cling to the hope that a natural disaster is literally going to sweep Trump away.   I’ve been thinking a lot about Christmas.  I copped out by being Jewish all these years.  I didn’t really care that much about Christian holidays.  But this year I decided to lean into it a little.  What is really going on here?  You work all freaking year for this one day?  Help me understand!  It almost seems cruel.  The build up/let down has GOT to be disappointing.  Build up to what exactly?  My client stated that the postman, whom she doesn’t like, slipped something under her apartment door!  Up until this moment, I still don’t think I understand.  Is that terrifying?  A girl alone in New York City, what is she to do?  Thirty years ago I still remember bumping into my old HS friend Aaron Sorkin on the uptown 4-5-6 subway.  I wasn't afraid then. I’ve had a good life.  My friend says, “You’re so lucky, you haven’t had any bad stuff.”  What? (As my daughter constantly says to me when I sound incoherent after a long day).  Friend, I say, I've had plenty.  We all have.  You pick like a scab.  Obsessive but not compulsive we joke.  My friends and I like to laugh.  Some of my friends get into fights at pickleball.  I don’t.  (Of course).   My husband is annoying and people don’t like him.  It’s OK.  Because he’s smart (book-smart like reads the constitution in the bathroom smart, can take any test smart) and tall (like can’t sit on an airplane tall) people find him intimidating.  Oh and also he is intimidating.  He wears black and knows a lot of things about a lot of things.  I know a little bit about a small group of things.  I don’t know how this marriage has lasted.  I’m just starting to realize that I actually do need him to look after me; not just the other way around.  I do things backwards a lot of times.  I fall.  Yes, even though I am athletic with a racket, I can’t dance and I am clumsy.  I fall into myself. I shouldn’t be so focused on self-pity.  My kids turned out amazing!  I guess I need to be more like George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” which the same husband forced us all to watch on xmas Eve.  I need to appreciate what I have.  The dark night of my Mother’s solstice birthday.  The grim realities of my job getting overtaken by AI.  The prospect of my husband’s back ever getting stronger.  The panic as I see my kids launch into a society possessed, I tell you, by greed.  As if nothing else mattered.  My small, messy house is under-par.  But the family is whole.  Wholly messed-up.  Holly Holy Love.

local track - hastings-on-hudson, ny When the darkness starts coming around mid-November and the clocks turn back, many people call me - in fact - the most people call me of all the times of the year! (However, I have read it can happen in ANY season!!). As the Solstice approaches we all have to turn inward a while. It's not a punishment, as my dear Dad would say. I happen to be one of those rare individuals who is BOTH an introvert and an extrovert. I love to be around people (the right people at the right time, and not too many!); but I also appreciate taking a walk by myself, hearing the sounds of nature, and reading something compelling. I love books, pickleball and photography. I hate cooking, treadmills and crowds. It's all good. Here are some tips from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy which could help you, your clients and your family!! Mindfulness: Take a few moments each day to pause, breathe, and check in with yourself. Notice your emotions without judgment, just name them and allow them to be present. Build in small mindful moments: a quiet walk, a mindful bite of food, or a minute of deep breathing. Emotion Regulation: Prioritize sleep, hydration, and movement, your body influences your emotions more than you think. Practice Opposite Action when difficult feelings arise, do the opposite of how you feel. Add small, pleasant activities to your day to help balance stress. Distress Tolerance: If emotions rise, use the TIPP skills: temperature change, intense exercise, paced breathing, paired muscle relaxation. Keep a coping plan in mind for challenging situations: step outside, listen to music, call a friend. Try Grounding skills like the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory scan: notice 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste to bring yourself back to the present. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Set gentle and clear boundaries around your time and energy. Use the FAST skill to support self-respect in communication: be fair, don’t apologize unnecessarily, stick to your values, and be truthful. Give yourself permission to say “no” when needed, and “yes” to things that support your well-being. Gratitude: Consider naming 3 small things you appreciate each day. Gratitude can be simple: a warm drink, a good laugh, or a moment of peace. Gratitude helps shift the brain toward what’s grounding, steady, and nourishing. The holidays can be wonderful and they can also be hard. Please remember that you’re not alone, and you have skills to support yourself through whatever arises. Wishing you moments of calm, connection, and care this season. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Crisis Text Line is available free, confidential, and 24/7. Text Got5 to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor.

My theory is that young adults went underground during COVID. Some thrived, while others got lost in the weeds. This led to a new brand of anxiety called overthinking . This phenomenon is especially evident in girls. I have heard girls spend entire sessions discussing one text, one TikTok, one meme, or one like. They are driven by the dopamine rush that comes from likes. I honestly don't think Zuckerberg had any idea what he was unleashing. The need to be "liked" is paramount for teen girls. There is nothing more important! The Impact of Social Media Perhaps this need stems from personality traits, family dynamics, or even past traumas. Constant hyper-vigilance in thoughts is likely a product of the teen brain at a critical moment. The reinforcement they receive is akin to indulging in a Carvel ice cream sundae! If you "see and hear" their TikTok, you might even "get" them. Understanding their perspective can foster patience and empathy. Girls are wired for attachment, and through this lens, the neediness of a whole generation becomes apparent. Parents, often distracted by work and the middle-class anxiety over survival and finances, have contributed to this problem. Let’s not place all the blame on social media; I happen to appreciate it. The Feeling of Unsafety Feeling unsafe is another significant issue. Trauma can lead to hyper-vigilance regarding one's surroundings. A good starting point for intervention involves the two best anti-depressants in the world: exercise and creativity. Here’s a more detailed list of activities to try. Start by trying one new thing and see how it makes you feel! Activities for Young Adults Feeling Isolated Join a Club or Group Book Clubs : Connect with fellow readers and share insights. Sports Teams : Engage in physical activity while building camaraderie. Art or Craft Classes : Explore your creative side with others. Volunteer Local Charities : Give back to your community and meet new people. Community Gardens : Enjoy nature while contributing to sustainability. Animal Shelters : Help care for animals in need. Attend Workshops or Classes Cooking Classes : Learn new culinary skills and enjoy delicious food. Dance Lessons : Get moving and express yourself through dance. Fitness or Yoga Sessions : Improve your physical health and mental well-being. Explore Nature Hiking : Discover beautiful trails and enjoy the great outdoors. Picnicking in Parks : Relax and unwind in a natural setting. Biking Trails : Combine exercise with exploration. Engage in Online Communities Social Media Groups : Connect with like-minded individuals. Online Gaming : Enjoy gaming while building friendships. Virtual Meetups : Participate in discussions and activities from home. Start a New Hobby Photography : Capture moments and express your creativity. Gardening : Cultivate plants and enjoy the therapeutic benefits. Writing or Blogging : Share your thoughts and experiences. Participate in Local Events Festivals : Celebrate local culture and meet new people. Concerts : Enjoy live music and connect with fellow fans. Community Fairs : Discover local artisans and vendors. Connect with Friends or Family Game Nights : Enjoy fun and laughter with loved ones. Movie Marathons : Share your favorite films with friends. Cooking Meals Together : Bond over food and create lasting memories. Practice Mindfulness or Meditation Join a Meditation Group : Learn techniques to calm your mind. Use Mindfulness Apps : Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine. Attend Retreats : Immerse yourself in a peaceful environment. Seek Professional Support Therapy or Counseling : Talk to a professional about your feelings. Support Groups : Share experiences and gain insights from others. Workshops on Mental Health : Learn strategies to improve your well-being. By engaging in these activities, young adults can combat feelings of isolation and foster connections. Remember, taking the first step is often the hardest, but it can lead to significant changes in your life.

Navigating the teenage years can be a rough journey, especially when anxiety becomes a frequent companion. As a parent, it’s essential to understand this challenge to provide support and foster an environment where emotions can be shared openly. With anxiety rates among teens rising, with a reported increase of 25% in anxiety symptoms from 2011 to 2021, recognizing and dealing with these issues is more important than ever. Anxiety can show up in various ways—from worries about grades and social situations to feelings of loneliness. My work with teens facing these challenges has taught me valuable lessons that can assist you as a parent. Understanding Teen Anxiety It's normal for teens to experience some degree of anxiety, but distinguishing between typical feelings and more serious issues is vital. For instance, I met a girl who struggled intensely with anxiety about her school performance. She felt sick to her stomach before every math test, fearing failure. This vivid example illustrates how anxiety can infiltrate everyday life and impact relationships. Delving into the root causes of anxiety is a key step toward addressing it effectively. Studies show that 70% of teens report feeling stressed by academic pressures. Other sources of anxiety include peer relationships, social media influence, and high parental expectations. Being mindful of these factors can help foster understanding. For example, I had a client who failed her chemistry final. She was upset not because of her grade, but because others could see her crying outside the bathroom at school! Kids actually feel that they are being watched all the time! (Are they?) I try to work with: "who cares?!" in this situation. Seriously, everyone is so worked up about their own troubles, why would they notice you? The Signs of Anxiety Identifying anxiety in teens can be difficult but doesn't have to be. What's fascinating is that some teens can handle it just fine. During college, my boyfriend at the time once took apart a car (my car!!) and put it back together again—then also got straight A's in college by never, and I mean never, studying! Others are so demanding and hypercritical of themselves that they are paralyzed and stuck in procrastination loops. At some point, you gotta just "do it." They might not communicate their feelings directly but instead show changes in behavior, such as my favorite non-coping mechanism: avoidance. Avoidance does nothing for you but intensify anxiety. From my experience, typical signs include: Increased irritability or mood swings Withdrawal from social interactions Unusual sleep patterns, either insomnia or oversleeping Trouble concentrating on schoolwork or tasks Physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches without clear medical reasons If you see any of these signs in your child, consider initiating a gentle conversation about their feelings. Creating a trusting and non-judgmental space encourages them to share their worries. In these cases, I often work with the idea of "thought choice/stopping." You have a choice in each moment how to act and what to do. No one ever told me this; I thought I was doomed to anxious thoughts. Pick and choose your worries. Open Communication Maintaining open communication is one of the best tools for addressing teen anxiety. I learned that a non-confrontational environment—but even more so—an actively supportive environment invites teens to express their emotions (especially if you use humor). ("What's the worst that could happen?"). Jon Haight says they need more free play—of course! I love hearing the kids in my neighborhood play. That carefree world of going home at dusk is over—but the freedom to make mistakes is still around... Instead of "stranger danger," says Haight, monitor their phones, not their street cred. One client said she was terrified letting her child go to the city alone. Go and rescue him, or let him sort it out? My child missed the last train—go and rescue her or make her take an expensive Uber?! Tough one. If determined to be safe, marinating in the consequences of bad judgment teaches some great life-long lessons indeed. Tools for Managing Anxiety Here are some practical strategies to help your teen manage anxiety effectively: Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques : Activities such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can be effective in reducing anxiety. Apps like Headspace and Calm offer guided sessions that can introduce these practices seamlessly into your teen's routine. Physical Activity : Encourage your teen to find physical activities they enjoy, whether it’s team sports, dance, or just walking. Regular exercise has been shown to lower anxiety levels significantly, contributing to improved mental health. Creative Outlets : Encourage artistic expressions like drawing, music, or writing. Engaging in these activities can provide a constructive way for teens to process their feelings. Limit Media Consumption : The constant flow of news and social media can escalate anxiety. Encourage limited screen time to help your teen disconnect from triggers and focus on their mental health. Seek Professional Help When Needed : If anxiety continues or worsens, consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional. Early help can lead to effective coping strategies that assist your teen in managing anxiety long-term. Support Networks Building a reliable support network is crucial for your child's mental health. Encourage them to engage with friends who uplift them and to participate in clubs or activities that reflect their interests. Getting involved in community groups—whether through sports, art classes, or academic clubs—can significantly reduce feelings of loneliness and anxiety. These connections promote a sense of belonging and are invaluable during challenging times. Always remind your teen that leaning on friends is natural and often necessary. A peaceful space for reflection and relaxation. Final Thoughts Addressing teen anxiety is a complex journey, but with the right tools and strategies, you can empower your child to face their feelings head-on. By fostering open communication, teaching coping skills, and encouraging strong connections, you can make a significant difference in your teen's ability to manage their anxiety. Remember, many parents share similar experiences and challenges. With understanding and compassion, we can create nurturing environments for our teens, allowing them to grow and thrive. Your active involvement is key to helping prevent panic and building resilience in your child's life. Let’s navigate this path together, supporting our teens every step of the way. (Try my course for more insights!)

The whole reason I went into this thing is because after college I was rather shocked. No longer around thousands of kids my age, I looked around for the gaggle of friends I always had to sustain me. Empty, broken, bored, and scared, I flailed about and got more friends. But what if it doesn't come that easily for you? What if the dating apps make you obsess so much that you would rather read War and Peace at the library? We can say it's a critical time in a child's life - the chance to grow up and discover your true identity. But. Your parents are broke, you live in the basement, your boyfriend is self-absorbed and your job is mind-numbing? What then? Sure - go join a meetup, go hiking, go skiing, do stuff. What if you're an introvert? What if you don't drive? What if you had a bad or a ton of bad experiences in college and childhood? What could possibly go wrong? Perhaps we have to repair the missing pieces first. According to "Positive Psychology" here are just a few ways trauma can impact launching: Childhood trauma can significantly impact mental & emotional development, leading to challenges in behavior & relationships. Healing from trauma involves creating a safe environment, fostering trust & promoting open communication for emotional recovery. Professional support & therapeutic interventions are vital in helping children & adults process trauma & build resilience. If a young adult is having trouble - I find they might need to go back before they go forward. This process has to do with dealing with the trauma and regaining the lost confidence, skills, learning, etc. Go back to get unstuck: this was not your fault!! Go forward to practice: this is the method, the how and the why. You can build emotional safety into your relationships! Here are just a few from this article: ( https://positivereseteatontown.com/how-to-build-emotional-safety-in-relationships-after-experiencing-trauma/ ) For the Young Adult - Prioritize Self-Awareness & Healing : Understand your triggers and how trauma impacts you. Therapy (individual or group) is crucial for processing trauma and rebuilding self-trust. Build Emotional Safety : Cultivate a sense of calm and safety within yourself and your environment. Establish Boundaries : Define what feels safe and acceptable; boundaries are key to feeling secure, not pushing people away. Communicate Needs Gradually : Share your experiences at your own pace, starting with general feelings, as trust grows. Challenge Negative Thoughts : Trauma creates distortions; work to recognize and change patterns that say "all people are unsafe". Find Support : Lean on trusted friends, family, or support groups outside the relationship.   Once this work is done one can move toward exposure to people, experimentation, risk-taking, remembering that the past is over! Let's see if a #traumainformed approach can help a little in overcoming loneliness. I'd rather deeply heal and gain some freedom than be locked into a never-ending cycle of regret.

Navigating the teenage years can be a challenging experience for both parents and their children. As teens seek independence, it becomes crucial for parents to foster open and respectful communication. Building trust and understanding during this formative period can significantly impact your relationship with your teen. In this blog post, we'll discuss practical tips for improving communication with your teenager and ensuring that the lines of dialogue remain open. Understanding Teen Behavior Before diving into communication strategies, it's vital to understand the emotional and psychological changes that teenagers undergo. The teenage brain is still developing, particularly in areas associated with decision-making and impulse control. As a result, teens may often act out or misinterpret conversations. This understanding should guide how you approach discussions with your teen. Instead of taking things personally, try to empathize with their struggles. Recognizing that mood swings and emotional reactions are part of their development will help create a more harmonious environment. Creating a Safe Space for Dialogue A key part of effective communication is establishing a safe space where your teen feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. Here are some actions you can take: Listen Actively : Show genuine interest when your teen speaks. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to elaborate. For instance, instead of asking, "Did you have a good day?", try "What was the best part of your day?" Be Non-Judgmental : When your teen shares personal thoughts, refrain from reacting with judgment or criticism. This will encourage them to be open with you in the future. Choose the Right Time : Timing is essential. Engage in conversations when both you and your teen are relaxed. Perhaps a casual car ride or during dinner can present the perfect opportunity for relaxed dialogue. Creating a warm environment for family discussions. Setting Boundaries with Respect Setting boundaries is an important aspect of parenting. However, how you communicate these boundaries can greatly affect your teen's perception of authority. Establish a collaborative approach to boundary-setting. Here are some steps to consider: Involve Your Teen : Rather than imposing rules, involve your teen in the discussion. For example, if you’re setting curfews, ask for their input on what seems reasonable, and negotiate a compromise. Explain the Reasons : Help your teen understand the rationale behind boundaries. Explain how these rules protect them or build their skills for future challenges. Consistency is Key : Uphold the boundaries you set but be open to a regular review—this reinforces that you respect their growing independence while maintaining necessary guidelines. Leveraging Technology for Connection In today's digital age, technology plays a significant role in the lives of teenagers. Instead of viewing technology as a barrier to communication, consider it a tool for connection. Here are some ways to leverage it: Use Social Media : Join platforms your teenager uses to understand their world better. Engaging with them in their digital spaces can bridge the gap between your experiences and theirs. Share Content : Exchange music, podcasts, or articles that either of you finds interesting. This can spark a conversation about shared values or emerging trends. Texting as a Tool : If in-person conversations are challenging, consider sending a thoughtful text. A simple, "I'm thinking about you. Hope your day is going well!" can create a connection without the pressure of a face-to-face conversation. Fostering Emotional Intelligence Emotional intelligence is a crucial skill for both parents and teens. It involves understanding and managing emotions, as well as empathizing with others. To help your teen develop this skill, consider these steps: Model Behavior : Show your teen how to express their emotions constructively. For example, instead of showing frustration, narrate your feelings: "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, let me take a minute to collect my thoughts." Teach Coping Mechanisms : Introduce your teen to techniques that can help with emotional regulation, such as deep breathing or journaling. This equips them to address their feelings effectively. Discuss Emotions Openly : Create a culture where discussing feelings is normalized in your household. Use everyday moments to talk about how characters in movies or books deal with their emotions and challenges. Encouraging Independence while Staying Connected As teens strive for independence, it's essential to allow them the freedom they seek while maintaining connection. Balancing this can be tricky, but here’s how you can manage it: Praise Their Efforts : Recognize their achievements, no matter how small. This fosters their sense of capability and encourages them to discuss their future goals. Encourage Decision-Making : Allow your teen to make choices related to their education, friendships, or other interests. This builds trust and promotes healthy communication about their thought processes. Stay Involved : Even if they seem to want space, think of ways to stay engaged in their life. Show interest in their hobbies, attend their events, or simply check in on how they’re doing regularly. Embracing Change Parenting teens is a journey filled with constant change. Embrace these changes instead of fearing them. Be adaptable and open to new ways of connecting. Your relationship with your teen will evolve, and so should your communication strategies. Staying informed by reading parental guidance resources, attending workshops, or even consulting a counselor can provide additional tools to strengthen your communication. The more you learn, the better equipped you will be to foster a supportive environment. In summary, effective communication with your teenager requires active listening, mutual respect, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to adapt. By implementing these strategies, you can build a solid foundation of trust and understanding, which will benefit both you and your child as they navigate their formative years.

Navigating the teenage years can be challenging for both parents and teens. During this critical life stage, teens experience rapid changes in their physical, emotional, and social lives. As parents, understanding these changes and fostering open communication is essential to help your teen feel safe and comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings. In this blog post, we will explore typical teenage behaviors, the importance of creating a safe space for conversation, and practical strategies for parents to engage with their teens effectively. The Teenage Years: A Period of Transformation The teenage years are marked by significant emotional and physical growth. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, brain development continues well into the mid-20s, affecting decision-making, risk assessment, and emotional regulation. Teens may exhibit a range of behaviors that can confuse and frustrate parents: Mood Swings : It is common for teens to experience emotional ups and downs. Mood swings can occur due to hormonal changes, peer relationships, and academic pressure. Understanding that these fluctuations are typical can help parents approach their teens with empathy. Desire for Independence : Teens naturally seek autonomy as they forge their identities. They may challenge boundaries and test limits. While this can feel like rebellion, it is often a sign of healthy development. Peer Influence : During adolescence, friendships become increasingly important. The desire to fit in may lead teens to make choices they would not normally consider. Open dialogue can help parents guide their teens through these social influences. Accidental Circle of Life The Significance of Open Dialogue Creating a safe space for conversation is vital for nurturing your relationship with your teen. Open dialogue fosters trust, encouraging teens to communicate freely about their experiences, worries, and feelings. A safe space allows for: Emotional Support : Teens often face significant pressures that can lead to anxiety and stress. By providing a judgment-free environment, parents can offer understanding and support. Skill Development : Engaging in conversations helps teens develop communication skills, emotional intelligence, and decision-making abilities. It prepares them for relationships and challenges beyond their teenage years. Conflict Resolution : Open lines of communication can help address conflicts before they escalate. When teens feel comfortable discussing issues with their parents, disputes can be resolved more effectively. Tips for Creating a Safe Space for Conversations Now that we understand the importance of fostering open dialogue, here are practical strategies parents can implement: 1. Create a Comfortable Environment The location of your conversation matters. Choose a space that feels warm and inviting. It could be a cozy living room corner, a quiet coffee shop, or even a park bench. Ensure that your teen knows they can talk to you in a relaxed setting without interruptions. The goal is to create an atmosphere that encourages sharing. 2. Be Approachable Your demeanor plays a significant role in how comfortable your teen feels approaching you. Practice active listening: Maintain eye contact. Set aside your device and minimize distractions. Use open body language to convey your openness to discussion. When your teen sees you as approachable, they are more likely to open up. 3. Be Patient and Non-Judgmental Teenagers may be hesitant to share if they fear judgment or criticism. Approach conversations with an open mind. Express empathy and understanding, even if you disagree with their perspectives. Validation of their feelings can go a long way in encouraging them to express themselves. 4. Initiate Regular Check-Ins Establish a routine for check-ins to foster ongoing dialogue. These can be as simple as asking about their day or sharing thoughts on a recent event. Regular interactions help normalize communication and create opportunities for deeper discussions. 5. Encourage Friends in the Conversation Sometimes, teens feel more comfortable discussing issues when their friends are involved. Creating a group setting for discussions about challenges like peer pressure or academic stress can be beneficial. Consider organizing casual get-togethers where both you and your teen’s friends are invited, fostering a sense of community. A family enjoying a meal together, highlighting the importance of communication. Understanding Sensitivity to Topics As you engage with your teen, be aware of sensitive topics that may arise. Issues such as mental health, relationships, and societal pressures can be challenging. Being prepared to talk about these topics can help you navigate them more gracefully. Mental Health Awareness One significant concern for many teens is mental health. Anxiety and depression can manifest during these years. Create a dialogue around mental health by: Reading books or articles together about the topic. Encouraging your teen to express their feelings. Seeking support from professionals if needed. Relationship Issues Friendship dynamics and romantic relationships can be tough. Encourage your teen to discuss their relationships openly, providing a neutral ground where they can explore their feelings. Share your experiences as a way to relate, but avoid overshadowing their narrative. Academic Pressures Academic stress is common among teens. Help them understand that it is normal to feel overwhelmed. Engaging in discussions about their educational goals and pressures can provide them with the perspective they need to address these challenges mindfully. Building Trust Over Time Trust is not built overnight. It requires consistent effort, understanding, and, most importantly, patience. Here are additional ways to foster trust: Respect Privacy : While you may want to check in frequently, respecting your teen's privacy is crucial. Encourage them to share what they feel comfortable with without prying into their personal space. Be Reliable : If you promise to do something or be there for them, follow through. Reliability builds credibility and reinforces the bond of trust. Lead by Example : Model the behavior you wish to see in your teen. Share your experiences honestly. If they see you handling challenges with openness, they may mirror those behaviors. The Role of Patience and Love Teenage years are unpredictable, and it is essential for parents to remain patient and loving throughout the journey. Understanding that this phase is temporary can help parents navigate the turbulent waters with a calm and loving heart. By nurturing a supportive environment and encouraging conversation, you invite your teen to share more of their life with you. Remember, the goal is not just to talk but to listen and engage in meaningful discussions that honor their feelings and experiences.

I've been writing articles on SAD - seasonal depression/affective disorder for more than 25 years. There's not much new to say about it, but there are plenty of more reasons to be SAD. I am working with a lot of teens and young adults right now who are acting out and getting into trouble and doing risky things, which are all normal to adolescent development. What is not normal is running your parents into the ground. In other words, young people move around the world without much heed to consequences. Like my client who told the whole school she was having a Halloween Party and 300 people were going to show up. The best thing you can tell your kids is: "Did you think it through??" Let's break it down. First of all, how do you think things through if you don't have the cognitive maturity to do so? This has always fascinated me. It's like the climbers on Mt. Everest: how can they use their rational brains to make good decisions without oxygen!!?? By definition you are handicapping yourself at the most dangerous moments of your life! Here are some ways to practice this and take away the mystery. Define the Decision Clearly: Understand the problem or opportunity you are facing. Gather Relevant Information: Research and collect data that may influence your decision. Consider the Alternatives: List all possible options and evaluate their pros and cons. Weigh the Evidence: Analyze the information and assess how each option aligns with your goals. Involve Others: Seek input from trusted friends, colleagues, or experts to gain different perspectives. Consider the Long-Term Impact: Think about how your decision will affect you and others in the future. Trust Your Instincts: Listen to your gut feelings, especially if you have experience in similar situations. Make the Decision: Choose the best option based on your analysis and intuition. Implement the Decision: Take action to put your choice into effect. Reflect on the Outcome: After some time, evaluate the results of your decision to learn and improve for the future. Now you may be wondering what if I make a mistake. MAKING MISTAKES IS THE ONLY WAY WE LEARN! Keep making mistakes. Fall on your face. Good for you! You see the kids who are not trying? Sitting in their rooms or on their phones all night? Please get out there and see what real life has to offer. This is your time!

A 27-year-old female came to my office in 2025 wearing a mask. I thought, "COVID is kind of over, so why would a beautiful young adult be afraid now?" During the in-person intake session, she explained that she had been hiding her whole life. She appeared shut down and said she couldn't talk about most things—she would be too worried about me! I then shared how therapy works. Hesitant, she said she needed time. As an experienced clinician, I understood what this meant: her trauma story. The Importance of Co-Regulation in Therapy Part of me wanted to know more. I wanted to keep the day moving and see what I was dealing with—the girl behind the mask. But that was me being selfish. I told myself to slow down and match her energy. It might be cool to hear this on TikTok, but it's a real-life skill that can be quite helpful. It starts with the parent-child attachment and is called "co-regulation." Co-regulation in a clinical setting refers to the process by which healthcare providers and patients work together to manage emotional and physiological states. This collaborative approach emphasizes the importance of interpersonal relationships in fostering a supportive environment, which can enhance patient outcomes (See: relational approach/integrative approach). By actively engaging in co-regulation, clinicians can help patients feel more secure and understood. This ultimately leads to improved compliance with treatment and better overall health. I also recognize that I am a good co-regulator because I do it too much. As a lifelong people-pleaser, it comes easily. You match the mood, and you stay out of trouble. Any trauma survivor knows this—just ask an adult child of an alcoholic parent. They know their way around. But to skillfully do it in a session takes a lot of patience. I think of my mother and how she helped children learn to read. What amount of patience did that take? I could never have done that. I slowed down my pacing, which is also a technique in therapy, assuming the dog doesn't completely wreck it. Most good books on trauma will tell you: take your time. Repeating the story isn't a must, but generally, it helps. Should You Tell the Trauma Story or Does That Re-Traumatize in Therapy? When navigating the complexities of trauma in therapy, the decision to share your trauma story can be daunting. On one hand, recounting your experiences can be a vital part of the healing process. It allows you to process emotions, gain insight, and integrate the trauma into your life narrative. This storytelling can foster a sense of empowerment and agency, shifting the focus from being a victim to becoming an active participant in your recovery. However, there is a valid concern that revisiting traumatic events may lead to re-traumatization. The act of recounting the trauma can exacerbate feelings of distress and anxiety. It is crucial for therapists to create a safe and supportive environment. Utilizing techniques such as grounding exercises and gradual exposure can help clients navigate their stories at a pace that feels manageable. Ultimately, the choice to tell the trauma story should be guided by individual readiness and the therapeutic relationship. This ensures that the process promotes healing rather than harm. The Role of Yoga, Mindfulness, and Distress Tolerance in Healing Yoga, mindfulness, and distress tolerance play vital roles in the healing process. Here are some key reasons why they are essential: Promotes Relaxation: Both yoga and mindfulness techniques help reduce stress and promote relaxation. Improves Focus: Mindfulness enhances concentration and helps individuals stay present, which can aid in the healing journey. Enhances Emotional Regulation: Distress tolerance skills equip individuals with tools to manage difficult emotions effectively. Physical Benefits: Yoga improves physical health, flexibility, and strength, contributing to overall well-being. Mind-Body Connection: These practices foster a deeper connection between the mind and body, facilitating holistic healing. The Therapeutic Process: Being Present As we approach the end of the session, I focus on the process in the here-and-now. "How are you doing? How was it to be here?" Then I gather the courage to say some words. I don't honestly know how long I've been doing this work, but it felt so right. Thank God it landed: "I have a feeling that some really bad things happened to you," I say quietly. She nods, still much frozen. She knows that the body keeps the score. I hope she comes back. Conclusion: The Journey Ahead Healing from trauma is a journey that requires patience, understanding, and support. It is essential to create a safe space where individuals can explore their feelings and experiences. Whether through storytelling, co-regulation, or practices like yoga and mindfulness, the path to recovery can be transformative. Each step taken is a step toward a healthier, more peaceful life. In this journey, remember that you are not alone. There are resources and support available to help you navigate the complexities of trauma. Embrace the process, and allow yourself the grace to heal. --- For more insights on mental health and therapeutic practices, visit Donna C Moss .

Continuing to grow as a therapist means more than just gaining experience with clients. It involves staying current with new techniques, ethical standards, and research in the mental health field. One of the best ways to do this is by earning therapist CE credits . These credits not only fulfill licensing requirements but also enhance your skills and confidence in practice. Let’s explore how you can maximize your career by strategically using CE credits. Why Therapist CE Credits Matter for Your Career Therapist CE credits are essential for maintaining your license and staying updated with the latest developments in therapy. But beyond compliance, they offer many benefits: Skill Enhancement : Learning new therapeutic approaches or deepening your knowledge in specialized areas. Professional Credibility : Demonstrating commitment to your profession and ethical standards. Networking Opportunities : Connecting with peers and experts through workshops and courses. Career Advancement : Opening doors to new job roles or private practice specialties. For example, if you want to specialize in trauma therapy, taking CE courses focused on trauma-informed care can give you the tools and credentials to attract clients needing that expertise. Therapist’s workspace ready for continuing education How to Choose the Right Therapist CE Credits Not all CE courses are created equal. Choosing the right ones can make a big difference in your professional growth. Here are some tips: Check Licensing Board Requirements Each state or region may have specific CE requirements. Make sure the courses you select are approved by your licensing board. Focus on Your Career Goals Identify areas where you want to improve or specialize. For example, if you want to work with children, look for courses on child psychology or play therapy. Consider Course Format Some therapists prefer in-person workshops for hands-on learning, while others benefit from online courses that fit their schedule. Look for Quality Providers Choose reputable organizations or instructors with strong credentials and positive reviews. Balance Theory and Practice Select courses that offer practical skills you can apply immediately, not just theoretical knowledge. For instance, continuing education credits offered by Donna C. Moss provide a variety of topics and formats that cater to busy therapists looking to expand their expertise. How many hours is 1 CE worth? Understanding how CE hours translate into credits is important for planning your education. Typically, 1 CE credit equals 1 hour of instruction . This means if a course is 3 hours long, you earn 3 CE credits. However, some courses may include additional activities like quizzes or assignments that count toward credit hours. Always verify with the course provider how credits are calculated. For example, a 6-hour workshop on cognitive behavioral therapy techniques will give you 6 CE credits, which you can apply toward your license renewal. Practical Tips to Maximize Your CE Experience Earning CE credits is more than just ticking a box. Here are ways to get the most out of your learning: Set Clear Learning Objectives Before starting a course, decide what skills or knowledge you want to gain. Take Notes and Reflect Write down key points and think about how you can apply them in your practice. Engage with Instructors and Peers Ask questions and participate in discussions to deepen your understanding. Apply New Techniques Quickly Try out new methods with clients soon after learning to reinforce your skills. Keep a CE Log Track your completed courses, credits earned, and renewal deadlines to stay organized. By following these steps, you turn CE credits into real career growth rather than just a requirement. Therapist actively taking notes during a continuing education course Beyond Credits: Building a Lifelong Learning Mindset While CE credits are necessary, the ultimate goal is to cultivate a mindset of lifelong learning. This approach keeps you curious, adaptable, and passionate about your work. Stay Curious Explore new topics even outside your immediate specialty. Seek Feedback Regularly ask clients or supervisors for input to identify areas for improvement. Join Professional Groups Engage with communities that share knowledge and support. Attend Conferences and Seminars These events offer fresh perspectives and networking opportunities. Read Widely Books, journals, and blogs can supplement formal education. By embracing continuous growth, you not only maintain your license but also become a more effective and fulfilled therapist. Maximizing your therapist career with therapist CE credits is a journey of ongoing development. By choosing the right courses, understanding credit requirements, and applying what you learn, you can enhance your skills and open new doors in your professional life. Remember, education is not just a requirement - it’s a powerful tool to deepen your impact and satisfaction in your meaningful work.

Continuing education is a vital part of a therapist’s professional journey. It keeps skills sharp, knowledge current, and ensures compliance with licensing requirements. But navigating the world of CE credits can sometimes feel overwhelming. This guide is designed to help you master the process with ease, clarity, and a touch of calm. Whether you’re just starting or looking to streamline your ongoing education, you’ll find practical tips and insights here. Understanding CE Credits for Therapists: What You Need to Know CE credits for therapists are units earned by completing approved educational activities. These credits demonstrate your commitment to professional growth and are often required to renew your license. Different states and professional boards have specific rules about how many credits you need and what types of courses qualify. For example, some states require a mix of ethics, clinical skills, and cultural competency courses. Others may have specific mandates for hours spent in supervision or specialized training. It’s essential to check your local licensing board’s requirements to stay compliant. Key points to remember: CE credits usually have a set number of hours per credit. Courses must be approved by recognized organizations. Deadlines for submitting proof of completion vary by state. By understanding these basics, you can plan your education strategically and avoid last-minute scrambles. How to Choose the Right CE Credits for Therapists Selecting the right courses can feel like a maze. The goal is to find programs that not only fulfill your credit requirements but also enrich your practice. Here are some tips to help you make informed choices: Align with Your Specialty Choose courses that deepen your expertise in your therapy niche, whether it’s trauma, family therapy, or cognitive-behavioral techniques. Look for Accredited Providers Always verify that the course provider is approved by your licensing board. This ensures your credits will count. Consider Format and Flexibility Online courses offer convenience, while in-person workshops provide hands-on experience. Pick what fits your schedule and learning style. Check for Practical Application Courses that include case studies, role-playing, or interactive elements tend to be more engaging and useful. Budget Wisely Some courses can be costly. Look for free or low-cost options that still meet your requirements. For example, continuing education credits offered through reputable platforms can provide a variety of topics and formats tailored to therapists’ needs. How do I check my CE credits in California? If you are a therapist licensed in California, keeping track of your CE credits is crucial. The California Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS) provides an online portal where you can verify your completed credits and ensure you meet renewal requirements. Steps to check your CE credits in California: Visit the California BBS website. Log in to your licensee portal using your credentials. Navigate to the continuing education section. Review your submitted courses and credits. If you find discrepancies, contact the board promptly. California requires therapists to complete 36 hours of continuing education every two years, including specific hours in ethics and law. Staying organized by regularly checking your credits can prevent surprises during license renewal. Tips for Staying Organized and Stress-Free with CE Credits Managing CE credits doesn’t have to be a chore. With a few simple strategies, you can keep your education on track and stress levels low. Create a CE Calendar Mark deadlines and plan courses throughout the year to avoid last-minute rushes. Keep Digital and Physical Records Save certificates, receipts, and course descriptions in a dedicated folder or cloud storage. Set Reminders Use phone alerts or calendar apps to remind you of upcoming courses or submission deadlines. Join Professional Groups Networking with other therapists can provide recommendations for quality courses and support. Review Requirements Annually Licensing rules can change. Make it a habit to check for updates yearly. By adopting these habits, you’ll find the process more manageable and even enjoyable. Embracing Lifelong Learning: Beyond the Credits Continuing education is more than just a licensing requirement. It’s an opportunity to grow as a therapist and enhance the care you provide. Embrace this journey with curiosity and openness. Explore new therapeutic approaches. Engage in self-care and mindfulness courses. Attend conferences and workshops for inspiration. Share your learning with colleagues. Remember, every credit earned is a step toward becoming a more effective and compassionate therapist. Celebrate your progress and keep your passion alive. Mastering CE credits for therapists is about balance - meeting requirements while nurturing your professional soul. With thoughtful planning and the right resources, continuing education can be a fulfilling part of your career path. Keep learning, growing, and thriving.