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This is my rap about that: there is always going to be someone with a bazillion times more than you (houses, cars, vacations); and someone who has so much less that he or she lives with 10 other people in a 2 bedroom apartment in Queens.  Income equality is what we should strive for, not envy or greed.  We have no control over how others live.  And you know as well as I do that ALL families have issues (cue: Tolstoy).  It’s normal for parents to bicker or siblings to compete.  Let’s normalize that some people live their lives more out-loud than others.  Pix of exotic vacations in no way correlate with actual happiness.  Many studies have shown that inner peace is the best place to cultivate balance and equanimity, not outer showmanship.  Schadenfreude ( pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune ), a crazy word meaning wishing someone ill, is probably not good for our spiritual growth.  But I have certainly had the thought, Why doesn’t it rain on her  vacation -- instead of mine for a change??!!  Give yourself a break for being human.  Envy is a hu man emotion that most people experience at some point. “It's characterized by feelings of discontent, longing, or covetousness towards someone else's advantages, achievements, possessions, or qualities. For example, you might feel envy if you see someone get promoted, win an award, or have a beautiful holiday” ( https://www.vox.com/even-better/23292282/harness-envy-jealousy-motivation ).  You can try to motivate   yourself  for these experiences, and plan something for yourself that’s unusual or on your bucket list. The envy might be more likely about a friend doing things that align with what you want to do. It presses that button. I like to post on social media as a kind of journal of my life, rather than showing off. But FOMO is hurtful for girls especially and there are legitimate reasons behind that. We are always comparing, and girls are on their phones around twice as much as boys.  So the missing out can sting when it’s right in your face. One of my clients was excluded from her “after-prom” by her core friend group. How awful is that? Wish them well and focus on the things you can change. I have taken some big risks to be happy. You can too.

I have heard that teens feel trapped for many years, so there’s nothing new about the “generation gap” conversation. Every generation seems to feel it. However, the pace of change has really hit hard on families. The negative and polarizing amplification of extreme points of view has overtaken the way things used to be — we always yearn for simpler times. In previous generations, it seemed like kids wanted to push the conversation toward the liberal side, while parents remained more conservative. These days, those categories barely register. It’s more to do with HOW to have these conversations, while honoring individual identities and nuanced positions, especially by and for women. I say that the only way to deal with this is to become better listeners, instead of boxing out the voices you don’t like and demonizing them. Both the left and the right in this country, right now, are at a crossroads: to be civil on one side and to be angry as hell on the other. Nothing seems to be going right. The institutional framework itself can barely hold when subject to some radical tests. Large SCOTUS decisions are impactful to a whole generation, and you should be validated for being concerned. Even in my family, where we are all on the same page, there are wildly differing viewpoints on various topics. Family, food, politics — what could go wrong? Well, add drinks to the mix and we’re liable to go down a slippery slope. Another great way to channel your passion about the world is to get active. For example, if you’re concerned about social injustice, you could work for better legislation, donate to charities, or volunteer your time with organizations that align with your beliefs. It’s been an exhausting couple of years. Everyone has to pause and take a breath. We need to try to understand, persuade, and stay calm — not turn to violence and vitriol. MORE: Nothing could be more real than feeling insecure in your 20s. If you can believe this, I have been coaching 20-somethings for decades to try and fail. Floundering in your 20s is good!! I hope you fall flat on your face!! Not always, not often, but once in a while. Why would I say that? According to my favorite 20-Somethings motivator, Psychologist Meg Jay, ( “The Defining Decade” ), all the learning and growth takes place in those spaces of fear, uncertainty, and avoidance. Once you dive into your life, it’s OK to make a wrong turn, course correct, and understand who you really are —your likes and dislikes, your moods, your anxieties— and then watch the flower bloom. The bloom comes from the roots. The self-knowledge that you gain from experience is unmatchable. Hiding in your room and doing nothing — that’s the dangerous path. Meg Jay goes on to say that your 20s are not a “throwaway” decade — they matter! One reason I work with young adults is that I too struggled in my 20s, made poor choices, and shocker — even changed my major. That’s why travel is good for the young; you get out there and see, smell, and taste the world that is more complex than you know yet. Of course, you won’t be the most confident one at work. That’s why we have internships, mentorships, and opportunities for learning safely. Lean into all of them! Feedback and rejection can give you much-needed areas to focus on. Maybe you are not positive every second of the day. I have often told young clients “Nobody cares how you feel!” (a weird statement for a therapist to make). Just do your work. Do you think I like to work every single day of my life? NO! But you just keep swimming and after a couple of strong currents, voila, you’re in the lead! To summarize: Self-doubt is normal — allow yourself to feel it. Practice makes perfect — it takes time to gain confidence and experience. There’s no substitute for life experience — trying new things gives you a lot of personal data. Accepting criticism is hard, but it will ultimately make you stronger and more humble. Just keep swimming!

Return shipment must include an appropriate, postage-paid Postal Service label. Item(s) must be mailable according to Postal Service standards. For mailability restrictions, visit https://www.usps.com/ship/shipping-restrictions.htm . Why Include Instructions for the Post Office? My daughter pointed out that I failed to explain crucial life skills during her upbringing. I focused so much on nurturing and loving that I overlooked practical lessons. While my kids turned out alright, I still grapple with the guilt of not doing enough, which can be exhausting. The Empty Nest Experience What Now? Now that my children are grown and gone, I often find myself in a whirlwind of memories, wondering what happened during those formative years. I frequently ask my daughter to recount her childhood experiences—friends, teachers, parties, and disappointments—to help me retain those moments as a personal memoir. Finding New Joys Despite the loss of the daily presence of my children, I've gained time for myself. I can rest, think, breathe, and reconnect with friends. Pickleball, in particular, has revitalized my sense of self. After a 25-year hiatus from tennis, I'm rediscovering movement, strategy, and joy in competition. It’s a reminder that women often lose themselves in the busyness of life, leading to confusion about boundaries. Understanding Boundaries Boundaries vs. Avoidance Boundaries are essential; avoidance is detrimental. For instance, the phrase, "When you do this, it makes me feel that," can establish a boundary. But if we treat everything as a trigger to be avoided, it can lead to isolation and anxiety. The Cycle of Avoidance Retreating to bed for a day can be restorative, but prolonged avoidance can spiral into boredom, anxiety, and even depression. Young women, especially, spend excessive time on their phones, often seeking validation. This behavior can feel akin to anxiously waiting for a college acceptance letter—fretting won't speed up the process. Addressing Missed Connections Opportunities for Growth If you feel that your relationship with your child is lacking, the twenties can be a great time to address those feelings. My daughter has likely figured out many lessons on her own—living, taking risks, and growing from failures. However, those who are too fearful to try new things risk stagnation. Practical Examples I work with clients facing various challenges, such as a young woman whose mother wants her to lose weight. Together, we devised a gradual plan that allows her to feel in control, rather than hiding under the covers. Another client is paralyzed by the fear of repeating past relationship mistakes, constantly monitoring her actions. My advice? Let it go. Trust in the lessons learned. You are already okay! Final Thoughts I often wonder what else I might have failed at as a parent. I’m sure my children will remind me!

Don't Bypass the Good Stuff! In a fast-paced world flooded with instant gratification, many of us find ourselves yearning for real emotional healing. Whether it’s the lure of fast food or the convenience of online shopping, we often seek quick fixes to alleviate discomfort. However, therapy offers a much deeper path to healing and self-discovery. The journey requires your active involvement—not just sitting in a therapist's office, but truly engaging with the therapeutic process. This blog post uncovers the nature of therapeutic work, clarifying misconceptions and providing clear steps to foster meaningful change in your life. Understanding the Appeal of Quick Fixes Quick fixes usually sound appealing. They promise rapid relief from emotional distress. But these solutions often ignore the underlying problems that contribute to our struggles. For instance, research shows that while 70% of individuals seek immediate fixes, only about 30% experience long-term relief. This can lead to frustration and a feeling that therapy is just another option that won’t yield quick results. When faced with emotional pain, it is common to want a fast route to relief. Unfortunately, this desire often neglects the reality that substantial therapeutic work requires time, reflection, and conscious effort. The Importance of Active Engagement Therapy is not just about talking; it’s about becoming an active participant in your healing journey. The genuine work begins when you leave the therapy room, applying insights about yourself to your everyday life. Studies indicate that clients who actively engage in their therapy process see a 50% increase in the effectiveness of their treatment. This active engagement can take various forms, such as practicing self-reflection, implementing coping strategies, or being mindful of your thoughts and emotions. The breakthroughs often emerge from the work done in daily life, not just during sessions. This is how we get to HOW: Self-Reflection: A Key Component Self-reflection is vital for effective therapeutic work. It helps uncover the root causes of emotional struggles. Regular reflection can significantly enhance your understanding of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. For example, a study showed that journaling can lead to a 20% increase in emotional well-being. To begin, you might consider maintaining a journal. Write about your feelings, experiences, or reactions to daily events. Use specific prompts to explore what triggers certain emotions or how you typically respond. These reflections can unlock insights that facilitate deeper healing. Mindfulness Practices for Grounding Incorporating mindfulness techniques can significantly support your therapeutic journey. Mindfulness fosters a non-judgmental awareness of your thoughts and emotions, helping you stay grounded during turbulent times. Research indicates that mindfulness practices can reduce anxiety symptoms by up to 58%. Consider simple mindfulness exercises such as: Breathwork: Spend a few minutes focusing solely on your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this for 5-10 minutes. Mindful Walking: Take a walk and consciously observe your surroundings. Note the sights, sounds, and sensations you experience, allowing yourself to be fully present. These practices provide a way to center yourself and create mental space for clarity and reflection. Building a Support System A strong support system is essential in therapeutic work. Surrounding yourself with people who encourage growth can be vital for healing. It’s more than having friends to confide in; community resources like support groups and workshops can offer additional avenues for connection. For instance, participating in a local mental health workshop can introduce you to others who share your experiences. Research shows that individuals with strong social support systems are 60% more likely to experience positive mental health outcomes. Embracing Vulnerability Therapeutic work often involves embracing vulnerability. Opening up about your emotional struggles can feel intimidating. However, vulnerability can spark profound healing. According to a study by Brené Brown, sharing your emotions can lead to a 25% increase in emotional resilience. Start by disclosing small feelings to someone you trust. As you grow more comfortable, gradually share more significant emotions. This practice can build your confidence and deepen your connections with others. Challenging Limiting Beliefs Therapy commonly involves challenging limiting beliefs that inhibit your growth. Many people unknowingly cling to negative narratives, thinking they are unworthy of happiness or incapable of healing. A study found that recognizing and reframing negative beliefs can lead to a 40% improvement in self-esteem. Identifying these beliefs is the first step. A therapist can help guide you in reshaping these thoughts. The real work begins when you actively engage in recognizing these patterns and replacing them with positive affirmations or empowering narratives. The Journey As An Ongoing Process Understanding that healing is a nonlinear journey is one of the most important mindsets to adopt. Expect good days and bad days; sometimes progress may feel stagnant. This is a natural part of personal growth. Embracing this journey allows you to alleviate pressure and recognize that the path itself offers valuable lessons along the way. Your Unique Path to Healing Therapy may ignite your journey of self-discovery and healing, but the real work happens outside the therapist's office. Active engagement, self-reflection, and a supportive network all contribute to making a deep impact. While quick fixes might provide temporary comfort, meaningful healing requires effort, time, and a willingness to explore vulnerability. As you navigate the often-challenging but rewarding journey of therapeutic work, remember every step counts. Embrace your unique path to healing and empower yourself in the process.